You know you want to...

[Twelveeyes]

Hrmm. Disembowellment? There's a Japanese word for it...it's honourable suicide...

Being Drawn and Quartered is also appealing...

*rolls doubles and gets out of jail* So. Where'd Biggus Dickus go?

Jo

[Delirieuse]

On 2002-04-02 00:44, twelveeyes wrote:
Hrmm. Disembowellment? There's a Japanese word for it...it's honourable suicide...

The word you're searching for is seppuku. Or, as the Americans tem it, hari-kiri.

Being Drawn and Quartered is also appealing...

Um, not really. It's a pretty miserable way to die.

[Corybantic]

Tarred, feathered and chicken salted would be my weapon of choice.

[Velvetglitter]

On 2002-04-02 10:09, Corybantic wrote:
Tarred, feathered and chicken salted would be my weapon of choice.

But... but... *thinks* chicken salt is really only any good if we're actively going to eat the body, which means we'd have to detar and defeather the body after tarrring and feathering it... can't we just skip that step and simply chicken salt it?

[Twelveeyes]

Well, you could tar and feather one...and then bring out one you've "prepared earlier" and chicken salt that...

But why use chicken salt when you could use a fresh selection of herbs and spices straight from the garden? I'm thinking garlic, ginger, some lemon grass...perhaps a tad of coriander...

Jo

[Corybantic]

Ooh.. not coriander... Go steal some Capsicum spray from the cops and we'll have ourselves a salad.

[Twelveeyes]

Done! *fetches capsicum spray*

Now, what about dessert? Anyone up for a bit o' chocolate sauce?

Jo

[Delirieuse]

Today on Miranda's Cooking Show; how to destroy your enemies in the most painful way possible. This is a month long series. Today we're going to look at tarring and feathering.

Now, you can get feathers in large bags from most craft shops, but it'll be the more discerning craft shop that stocks your actual tar. If you can't find tar, a good alternative is rubber cement.

Start with your tar or equivalent. Now, with tar you're going to need to heat it up; the hotter the greater your enjoyment of your enemies suffering. Feathering can be done sticking on individual feathers at a time, throwing entire sacks over said enemy, or any of a variety of other enemies.

Here's one we tarred and feathered earlier. Don't forget to write in for our fact sheet if you were interested in any of the segments on today's program!

[Corybantic]

Don't forget to tune in next week for
Cooking with Titus Andronicus

[Twelveeyes]

*grins and settles down in front of the TV*

Ooh...yummy!

[Delirieuse]

I was just trying to remember that bit from "Complete Works..."

And now... Titus Andronicus: The Cooking Show!

[Twelveeyes]

Is it the episode where we get shown how to cook Nerfs?

Jo

[Corybantic]

Actually if I remember, he killed and cooked up the person responsible for the murder of his father (or something similar)

[Twelveeyes]

*wibbles* No-one got my Star Wars reference?

Why you low down, stuck up, half witted, scruffy looking nerf herder!

Titus Andronicus sounds like a manly man.

Jo

[Delirieuse]

And possibly served him up to guests.

Hey, that reminds me of an anecdote:
Once upon a time, there were this couple, who ran an inn, bed and breakfast type of deal. However, every so often, a traveller would disappear who was staying there, but no one knew anything about it.

Anyway, a man came to stay there for a while, with his servant. His servant was one of those "reformed heathens"; he'd been born and brought up in either part of the dark of Africa or Papua New Guinea, I forget which.

Anyway, one night at dinner, the servant tasted something in the stew that was surprisingly familiar. This servant had been from a tribe where cannibalism existed, and had tasted human flesh. Rather an odd thing to taste in a bed and breakfasty-inn place. Turned out the couple had been killing some of their customers and serving them up at tea time. The only reason they were caught was this servant, who recognised the meat.

I wonder why Basil Fawlty never tried that...?

[Corybantic]

Oh, come on... everything reminds you of that story.

[Delirieuse]

Only because human flesh tastes so good on toast.

And I would have gotten away with it too...if it weren't for those meddling kids...

[Twelveeyes]

*chews off a bit of her own skin*

Mmmm....pass the rhubarb, please!

Jo

[Corybantic]

Mm... Why am I getting these images of Fava beans and a nice chianti?

[Delirieuse]

Because we had dinner with Tabitha and good ol' Hannie last week?