Rehashed shit from the past...

[Nowhereman]

I was looking through the old Nowhere Man forum and I just thought I'd like to repost some of the good stuff.
The first one is a post about advertisng going to far written by our old friend Ryan Devouge...
Ryan: I just heard and saw pictures of something that disturbed me incredibly. In a world where every magazine you buy is 90% ads and everyone is a walking billboard. People watch TV for the commercials, and I can't turn a corner without my eyes being scorned by someone telling what type of pants to wear. I quote my friend; "I'LL SHOW YOU A GAP!!!" as he mooned the bus.
But they have gone too far now, they have invaded the last sanctuary. We used to be able to take a piss in peace but that time has passed, which makes me wonder what kind of time have we entered? We can't have the pleasure of taking a piss now without someone telling us what to do. They are installing in public washrooms little LCD Rectangle screens that will display advertisements at exact eye level directly above wall urinals. They even were so bold as to find the perfect time allotment for us guys, each ad runs between 40-45 seconds.
If they start to put those up around our malls here in edmonton, i am going to start a collection of them. that is just going TOO FUCKING FAR!!!
My reply: As I recall, they have em in Silvercity. But i dont like em because your pissing and looking and the other guy next to you is pissing and looking, and then your eyes meet. His urnie takes a jerk and you can hear it hit the cold urinal hard. He looks again with lust, you get fucking scared and try and hurry up. You drank wayyy too much pepsi and your paying for it now. You notice him inch closer and closer.....then Ryan Devouge comes in and asks very loudly "IS THERE ANY GLORY HOLES IN HERE?" The mood is broken, you zip up and run away while the mysterious advertisign urinal peeing stranger walks over to ryan with is thingy still out. As you close the door you hear ryan moan with delight and say how much he loves sucking dick and watching those advertising lcd screens at the same time.

[Nowhereman]

Yet even more. Heres one of my recounts of my "adventures"
Remeber how I said dont do drugs? I never said that? Well I do now. Now if you dont know what shrooms are (or magic mushrooms)they are specil mushrooms you eat to get high. They taste shitty and you gotta chew em for a while. And5 bucks gets you a gram and you get pretty fucked up...but more on the latter. Remember that scene in Boogie Nights, the drug deal/robbery part? Well thats what it felt like. Except there was no chiense guy shooting off firecrackers. So for 10 dolalrs you get ten grams of the stuff. You chew em and it takes amybe 20 minutes to kick it. So you do and your like "shit I got ripped off this stuff aint kicking in yet" but then...well it does. Playing Ninja turtles on the NES and your start noticing weird shit. So me and my friend got in his car and drove to Lil Ceasers pizza cuz mikes friend Beck was closing up and we could fool around and shit. Jesus god those things are cool. So were there just fucking up shit and I step out for fresh air. And get lost. Ya I got lost in the neighbourhood. And this is when the stuff began to really kick in. And it did, big fucking time. First Im happy, lalala just trying to find my way out (its dark out by this time) but I cant find my way out. And you start hearing thigns. ANd then i really started to freak out. Each time acar came by I thought it was my friends looking for me so Id hide. Then i remember the drive by shootings in another part of town adn so i thought i was gonna die. And the lights were doing weird thigns and i heard voices and shit. and i couldnt make up my mind whcih way to go. I had to get back home bt that meant id have to pass a police station. Oh god i couldnt believe i did that. Lots of it is a haze so dont ask me how i did. and i had to pass a bar and people were all drunk so i was super freaked. And i kept seeing those guys in masks and cloaks from eyes wide shut. that really fraked the shit outta me. so im stubbling around and looking likea moron. sometimes it felt like my legs wouldnt work. and i was singing ACDC out loud and never realized it. then i began talking crazy like i knew what eyes wide shut was about. ..and i was in thsi alley and a cat startled me so i began talking to it but it ran away. then i got home but i realized i was still high and id have to get past my mother. i started them at 9:30 and it was already 11 and still havent worn out. o i sat outside drinking a coke and i saw the clouds at nighte and they were freakin trippy. So i began talking to the sky like god was there or something. then i heard what sounded like gun shots but were most likely firecrackers. So i work up the courage and go in. I talk to my mom and make a fool of myself. but i dont think she noticed. I later looked into my mirror and some my pupils were huge. I was trying to remeber all the stuff my former friend turned drug addict taught me about this. So i go have something to eat and a large cup of coffee. it still didnt work. So i went downstairs and lsitened to music. Now i know why Pink floyd was so fucking popular. Wow man, dark side of the moon really ruled that night. So i did that for an horu and i was like paralyzed. then i go on the comp and im still pretty high. when i went to bed around 3:30 i was still high. damn it, it was like a bad dream you couldnt wake up out of. maybe its fun when your with friends but not for me. Ill never do it again, but ill stick to beer. With beer it makes me wanna talk to people. with shrooms i thought they were gonna kill me. SO DONT DO DRUGS KIDDIES.

[THE TRAVIS]

this was from the big 4 page topic about guns:

in my opinion, the individual who has the most guns will eventually rule the world with a cruel and unforgiving fist, so i think that we should all jump aboard kevins's evil train to hell cuz thats where he's taking us with his "collection" of guns.
ha ha just kidding...I will rule the world.

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from the man who brought you the word "fuck

[THE TRAVIS]

ok ok heres an oldie but a goodie, this is from the discussion on femisism:

CHILD BIRTH? FUCK THAT! YOU THINK THATS PAIN? HOW ABOUT WHEN A PIECE OF JAGGED CRYSTAL STARTS COMING OUT YOUR DICK? HUH? WOMEN ARE DESIGNED FOR BIRTH. I DON'T THINK GOD INTENDED FOR THE INSIDE OF OUR COCKS TO GET RIPPED UP? WHO THE FUCK WENT OVER THE TOP IN WW1 AND WW2. IF WOMEN WERE IN THAT WAR,THEY'D START CRYING LIKE LITTLE FUCKIN BABIES!
SO I'M SICK OF HERARING THIS PAIN OF CHILD BIRTH CRAP

ya this was back in the day when i didn't use caps lock but who cares?

[THE TRAVIS]

ok ok one more. i was reading through the forum and realized some of the funny shit we said:

HEY MAN FUCK THIS SHIT. CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG? YOU KNOW MEN AND WOMEN? NO WE CAN'T BACAUSE IF WE COULD I'D BE SITTING IN MY LEATHER RECLINER, WATCHING WRESTLING ON A BIG SCREEN TV, HAVING A 30 PUND STEAK AND A 6 PACK FOR BREAKFAST,SMOKING 7000 PACKS OF CIGARETTES A DAY WHILE GETTING MY DICK SUCKED BY 2 BIG TITTED REDHEADS CUZ I'D BE IN FUCKIN PARADISE. GARDEN OF EDEN TYPE OF SHIT YA KNOW? BUT I'M NOT CUZ THAT STUPID BITCH HAD TO EAT THAT FUCKIN APPLE. NOW MY BROTHER HAS TO WORK FOR MY SMOKES AND I AIN'T GOT A BIG SCREEN TV RIGHT NOW. DO YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IN MY PARADISE IF SOME MOTHERFUCKER CALLED ME A COCKSUCKER?
I'D STAB THAT MOTHERFUCKER, I'D SHOOT THE MOTHERFUCKER, I'D BREAK THAT MOTHERFUCKER IN TWO, I'D MAKE THAT MOTHERFUCKER LISTEN TO N'SYNC CD'S ALL FUCKIN DAY AND THEN MAYBE HE'D BE PUNISHED ENOUGH. BUT THATS JUST MY OPINION.

[Nowhereman]

Heres the url for the forum in case anyone wants to look at it
http://forums.keenspace.com/viewforum.php?forum=11&1854

One of my all time fav Chris posts:
jeanlucpikachu:Tommy Fung is my hero, don't kill him off!
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Peace,
Capt. Jean-Luc Pikachu

Chris reply:Kill that rice munching yellow sonofabitch.
Capt.Pikachu? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? FREAK!