Comic Genesis Forums

Lookin' good. Even better than the first draft, so far, and you've got the nature of Lux matching the concepts of the originator. Always have to be true to the original in a fanfic. Well, okay. In a -good- fanfic.

Nice work!
While I liked the style and flow of the first version, the second is more true to the Rac Cona Daimh "universe" we've all come to know, and is also written in a believable, if different, style. A little more hurried, but with more happening to make the hurry reasonable. I kind of missed the lux flowing up from the ground when they all were made to lie prone in the grass. It had a hopeful feel about it.
I also got into it far enough to be worried about Captain Jerrol giving away too much information.
That all means I was identifying with the characters, and that's what a writer wants.
Good job. Especially considering that it was a complete rewrite.