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“Tales of the Seventh Fleet” (TotSF) is proud to announce that we have finally caught up with our fan-film brethren and gotten ourselves a forum. We’ll be posting episode information and club announcements there.

Just go to http://www.totsf.org and sign up. We look forward to seeing you there.

- Mjolnir

"What took you so long?"
"Warp core sprung a leek"
"Ouch.. was it serious?"
"A little, although on the bright side we finaly found a use for those tribbles we've got crawling around."

Tribbles? What tribbles?

<hides something behind his back>

I don't see no tribbles.



- Mjolnir

Sure, you know the phraze: "If you've got a problem with you're plumbing, stuff a tribble in it"

I was stranded on the planet, it was just me and Spock
We met a nasty Nazi alien who locked our asses up
We found a hunk of crystal and a metal piece of bed
We rigged ourselves a phaser gun and shot him in the head

I was standing on the bridge when Scotty came to me
His eyes were full of tears and he said, "Captain, can't you see
The ship is gonna blow, do something, I beseech"
I grabbed a tribble and some chewing gum and stopped the warp core breach

And I say
Bounce a graviton particle beam off the main deflector dish
That's the way we do it, son, we're making shit up as we wish
The Klingons and the Romulans pose no threat to us
'Cuz if we find we're in a bind we just just make some shit up.
--Voltaire, "USS MAKE SHIT UP"

Don't make me sing the rest of it.

and though he's just a child, and something of a twit,
Weasly is the master when it comes to making up some shit,
He's the guy you want with you when you go out in space,
now if only he could beam those pimples off his face.

And if you're at a party on the starship enterprise
and karrioki player just plain old up and dies.
Set up a Neutrino feild in side a can of beens,
Hold on to Jordies vizer and sing into Data's knees.

And I say
Bounce a graviton particle beam off the main deflector dish
That's the way we do it, son, we're making shit up as we wish
The Klingons and the Romulans pose no threat to us
'Cuz if we find we're in a bind we just just make some shit up.

Sysco's on a mission, to go no bloody place.
He loyters on his space station above Bajorian space.
The worm hole opened up and now they come from near and far.
We'll keep the booz, but please send back the fucking Jemhadar

What is with the kilgons? Remember in the day.
They looked like Portoricans and they dressed in gold lamay.
Now they look like heavy metal rockers from the dead,
With leather pants and frizzy hair and lobsters on their heads.

And I say
Bounce a graviton particle beam off the main deflector dish
That's the way we do it, son, we're making shit up as we wish
The Klingons and the Romulans pose no threat to us
'Cuz if we find we're in a bind we just just make some shit up.

Well I was traped on voyager, pounding on the door,
When sudenly I realised "I've seen this show before"
Perhapse I'm in a warp bubble and slightly out of phaze,
Cus' it was way back in the sixties when they called it lost in space.

We were looking for a way, to make the rating saw,
So we aquastrated an encounter with a Borg.
Normaly you'd think that would get us into shit,
but this has a smashing ass and a lovely set of tits!

And I say
Bounce a graviton particle beam off the main deflector dish
That's the way we do it, son, we're making shit up as we wish
The Klingons and the Romulans pose no threat to us
'Cuz if we find we're in a bind,
We're totaly screwed but never mind,
We'll just pull something out of our behinds!
We'll just makes some shit up.
--Voltaire, "USS MAKE SHIT UP"

Bwahahaha. I love it.


Nails it right on the head. Star Drek has been hyped for so dang long as "solid sci fi" when anyone in range can smell the bolognium... not to mention the smug, condescending, self-congratulatory limousine-socialist drivel oozing from every seam.

RHJunior wrote: "solid sci fi"

I'm sorry, did you just say people think of Trek as solid sci-fi? That makes me laugh. It's entertaining and a vision of hope for the future (well, TOS was anyway) but solid sci-fi? Never in a milliion years! I've read good sci-fi and it sure a heck ain't Trek.

That said, I'm pretty happy with the stuff we've done. We've got 2 episodes out, with a third coming soon, and I think we're staying close to the original* spirit of the show. If you disagree, come on over to the forums and tell us (yes, that was a shameless plug).

- Mjolnir

* By original, I mean The Original series. Where a ship's Captain did what he thought was best, regulations or no, and the crew actually got PAID.

Mjolnir wrote:

RHJunior wrote: "solid sci fi"

I'm sorry, did you just say people think of Trek as solid sci-fi? That makes me laugh. It's entertaining and a vision of hope for the future (well, TOS was anyway) but solid sci-fi? Never in a milliion years! I've read good sci-fi and it sure a heck ain't Trek.

That said, I'm pretty happy with the stuff we've done. We've got 2 episodes out, with a third coming soon, and I think we're staying close to the original* spirit of the show. If you disagree, come on over to the forums and tell us (yes, that was a shameless plug).

- Mjolnir

* By original, I mean The Original series. Where a ship's Captain did what he thought was best, regulations or no, and the crew actually got PAID.

Sounds like you might have some fun with "A Thin Veneer" then.

Astral wrote:"What took you so long?"
"Warp core sprung a leek"

Ewww....and I bet Engineering was filled with the smell of fresh onion, right?

Dang... Those lyrics read like something Tom Smith could have written.

RHJunior wrote:Bwahahaha. I love it.


Nails it right on the head. Star Drek has been hyped for so dang long as "solid sci fi" when anyone in range can smell the bolognium... not to mention the smug, condescending, self-congratulatory limousine-socialist drivel oozing from every seam.

0_e
... moving right along.

I had a cruse around the forum Mjo, very good job on it, my congrats to the coder ^_^

Astral wrote:I had a cruse around the forum Mjo, very good job on it, my congrats to the coder ^_^

I'll pass that along. Thanks.

- Mjolnir

EdBecerra wrote:Sounds like you might have some fun with "A Thin Veneer" then.

You never know. Point me in the right direction and I'll check it out.

- Mjolnir

Why do I call it Liberal Drek?

Let's start with a top ten list:

10 Nobody gets paid, and they're PROUD of the fact.

09 They have children on board an exploratory/military vessel, and even permit a beardless, untrained youth to help run the ship.

08 Their command staff-- especially the first in command-- are a bunch of horndogs whose sexual licentiousness has, on at least three occasions, imperiled the ship... yet noone gets fired or court martialed

07 Every other episode featured someone monologuing on how primitive some other race was for bearing arms, pursuing the profit motive, believing in God, exercising monogamy, or eating meat.

06 Every episode in between featured someone exercising "condescension racism"--- oh, the poor primitives are too inferior/unready for contact with our golden, enlightened selves

05 The captain was more interested in protecting genocidal, worldkilling monsters than in stopping their rampage---

04 Until it was his bald little noggin that suffered at their hands, then it was total war.

03 It was morally indecent to interfere with a nonsapient species, but perfectly morally acceptable to let entire planets of sapients perish in an extinction event.

02 They had a PSYCHOTHERAPIST on the bridge.

and the number one reason ST:TNG was a steaming bowl of liberal dog snot is:

01 Their Captain-- a CHEESE EATING SURRENDER MONKEY, otherwise known as a FRENCHMAN--- <I>surrendered in the very first episode.</I>

Am I disagreeing with you? Nope, not in the least. Please note what I said earlier:

Mjolnir wrote:... I think we're staying close to the original* spirit of the show.

* By original, I mean The Original series. Where a ship's Captain did what he thought was best, regulations or no, and the crew actually got PAID.

I was never a huge fan of TNG for all the reasons you discribe. That, and the fact that everything they encountered, seemed to have something to do with a temporal anomoly. But, it was still better than Voyager, where the only solution the Captain every thought of was "Let's blow up the ship."

- Mjolnir

I quite liked some of the Voyager episodes, I think it was the second series that seemed far better then the others. At the mo we've got reruns going on chanel five of the first series, its a bloody good laugh, I don't even need to coment, its like 'The new adventures of Superman', it practicaly MST3K's itself

RHJunior wrote:Why do I call it Liberal Drek?

Let's start with a top ten list:

10 Nobody gets paid, and they're PROUD of the fact.

09 They have children on board an exploratory/military vessel, and even permit a beardless, untrained youth to help run the ship.

08 Their command staff-- especially the first in command-- are a bunch of horndogs whose sexual licentiousness has, on at least three occasions, imperiled the ship... yet noone gets fired or court martialed

07 Every other episode featured someone monologuing on how primitive some other race was for bearing arms, pursuing the profit motive, believing in God, exercising monogamy, or eating meat.

06 Every episode in between featured someone exercising "condescension racism"--- oh, the poor primitives are too inferior/unready for contact with our golden, enlightened selves

05 The captain was more interested in protecting genocidal, worldkilling monsters than in stopping their rampage---

04 Until it was his bald little noggin that suffered at their hands, then it was total war.

03 It was morally indecent to interfere with a nonsapient species, but perfectly morally acceptable to let entire planets of sapients perish in an extinction event.

02 They had a PSYCHOTHERAPIST on the bridge.

and the number one reason ST:TNG was a steaming bowl of liberal dog snot is:

01 Their Captain-- a CHEESE EATING SURRENDER MONKEY, otherwise known as a FRENCHMAN--- <I>surrendered in the very first episode.</I>

10 Nobody gets paid, and they're PROUD of the fact.
---OK Pure FANTASY LAND here. Yep you might get a few people willing to explore the worlds as a hobby for no pay and just room and board, etc, but I dont see this happening outside of ST universe at all.

09 They have children on board an exploratory/military vessel, and even permit a beardless, untrained youth to help run the ship.

----OK, that goes back to the old comic book/tv show bit...lets add a character of a certain age/type to attract those people. THATS why they toss in a teenager. to attract teens to watch. Like every comic book with a child/ teenage sidekick floating around. PURE Marketing ploy.

08 Their command staff-- especially the first in command-- are a bunch of horndogs whose sexual licentiousness has, on at least three occasions, imperiled the ship... yet noone gets fired or court martialed
---Ever see the original show ? hints of sex (Miniskirts, etc) made the show a hit with teens who wanted to check out the space babes The work of n unimaginitive marketing droid.


07 Every other episode featured someone monologuing on how primitive some other race was for bearing arms, pursuing the profit motive, believing in God, exercising monogamy, or eating meat.
----well they need to show how "perfect" the star trek society is for one thing. Im not aware of any episodes of any of the tv shows ridiculing God. (Well, ok, one of the movies had people trying to use a starship to VISIT God....Ummm.....thats just silly anyways IMHO. Also, in ST they were always a little trigger happy themselves (See Dr Dimento song "Star Trekkin"). sounds like a way to try and appeal to everyone, more marketing.

06 Every episode in between featured someone exercising "condescension racism"--- oh, the poor primitives are too inferior/unready for contact with our golden, enlightened selves
---well technically this would probably be a good idea if you wanted to study and preserve a culture without interfering with it. -- what do you thing would have happened if a space/time traveller appeared in 3000BC and used hi-tech devices and was seen ? Mass hysteria, false worship, persecutions, witch burnings, and half a dozen other bad things could happen.

05 The captain was more interested in protecting genocidal, worldkilling monsters than in stopping their rampage---
---Well other than being a really really bad TV plot, completely unrealistic in every way... I dunno. if this happened in real life Id expect such a captain to consider himself lucky to be thrown in the brig. If not much worse. Firing squad at dawn comes to mind.

04 Until it was his bald little noggin that suffered at their hands, then it was total war.
---Its Star Trek...not supposed to make sense

03 It was morally indecent to interfere with a nonsapient species, but perfectly morally acceptable to let entire planets of sapients perish in an extinction event.
---Obviously some attempt by a writer to bring in some "controversy" by zinging the watching audience to inflame them. if its the episode I remember, they upped the ante by making the contact to be a little girl, which is the most likely to attract sympathy from the audience.


02 They had a PSYCHOTHERAPIST on the bridge.
--so this means its a "liberal" show ? OK......lets put it this way. a very very large portion of the show takes place on the Bridge. They needed a way to get the character of Troi some airtime so she got paid, so stick her as a psychologist/alien mind reader. This also gives the possibility of adding in a dash of romance in the show to maybe attract the ladies to watch. (Riker/Troi)

The main reason that everything takes place on the bridge was because for the original series it was cheap to do. You needed like 4 sets to work with. (Bridge, engineering, elevator, random place full of props for occasional planet scene)

01 Their Captain-- a CHEESE EATING SURRENDER MONKEY, otherwise known as a FRENCHMAN--- <I>surrendered in the very first episode.
----ok so all liberals surrender ? Maybe maybe not. I think you are confusing the word "liberal" with the idea of extremist granola eating sandal wearing members of PETA protesting eating of meat or something.
As for the French.....well umm, ok.

greatbeast wrote:(See Dr Dimento song "Star Trekkin")

Speaking of which, anyone who hasn't seen Stone trek, check this out: http://www.angelfire.com/fl/sapringer/STARTREKKIN.html It's frickin' hilarious.

- Mjolnir

greatbeast wrote: 10 Nobody gets paid, and they're PROUD of the fact.
---OK Pure FANTASY LAND here. Yep you might get a few people willing to explore the worlds as a hobby for no pay and just room and board, etc, but I dont see this happening outside of ST universe at all.

One episode actually featured the revival of three early-21st-century Earthlings who had spent half a millennium in cryonic storage. One of them FREAKED when he realized that the economy was no longer money-based; he had insisted on being allowed to check up on his family's finances.

09 They have children on board an exploratory/military vessel, and even permit a beardless, untrained youth to help run the ship.
----OK, that goes back to the old comic book/tv show bit...lets add a character of a certain age/type to attract those people. THATS why they toss in a teenager. to attract teens to watch. Like every comic book with a child/ teenage sidekick floating around. PURE Marketing ploy.

And to their credit, they realized it was a dumb idea and banished Wil Wheaton to a recurring guest role.

08 Their command staff-- especially the first in command-- are a bunch of horndogs whose sexual licentiousness has, on at least three occasions, imperiled the ship... yet noone gets fired or court martialed
---Ever see the original show ? hints of sex (Miniskirts, etc) made the show a hit with teens who wanted to check out the space babes The work of n unimaginitive marketing droid.

To be honest, I don't know who was worse, Riker or Kirk.

07 Every other episode featured someone monologuing on how primitive some other race was for bearing arms, pursuing the profit motive, believing in God, exercising monogamy, or eating meat.
----well they need to show how "perfect" the star trek society is for one thing. Im not aware of any episodes of any of the tv shows ridiculing God. (Well, ok, one of the movies had people trying to use a starship to VISIT God....Ummm.....thats just silly anyways IMHO. Also, in ST they were always a little trigger happy themselves (See Dr Dimento song "Star Trekkin"). sounds like a way to try and appeal to everyone, more marketing.

But doesn't that indicate a bit of prejudice? It seems to assume that a society that gave up war, capitalism and red meat would be that much closer to "perfect".

06 Every episode in between featured someone exercising "condescension racism"--- oh, the poor primitives are too inferior/unready for contact with our golden, enlightened selves
---well technically this would probably be a good idea if you wanted to study and preserve a culture without interfering with it. -- what do you thing would have happened if a space/time traveller appeared in 3000BC and used hi-tech devices and was seen ? Mass hysteria, false worship, persecutions, witch burnings, and half a dozen other bad things could happen.

And yet they tended to violate the Prime Directive on a regular basis.

05 The captain was more interested in protecting genocidal, worldkilling monsters than in stopping their rampage---
---Well other than being a really really bad TV plot, completely unrealistic in every way... I dunno. if this happened in real life Id expect such a captain to consider himself lucky to be thrown in the brig. If not much worse. Firing squad at dawn comes to mind.

One tends to notice when the captains on this show make command decisions that you yourself wouldn't make.

04 Until it was his bald little noggin that suffered at their hands, then it was total war.
---Its Star Trek...not supposed to make sense

TOS wasn't. TNG was - the SF element of the series is much "harder", even if it does consist largely of the scriptwriter pulling technical terms out of his ass.

03 It was morally indecent to interfere with a nonsapient species, but perfectly morally acceptable to let entire planets of sapients perish in an extinction event.
---Obviously some attempt by a writer to bring in some "controversy" by zinging the watching audience to inflame them. if its the episode I remember, they upped the ante by making the contact to be a little girl, which is the most likely to attract sympathy from the audience.

Yeah, but GRATUITOUSLY pissing off your entire viewing audience? What's the point?

02 They had a PSYCHOTHERAPIST on the bridge.
--so this means its a "liberal" show ? OK......lets put it this way. a very very large portion of the show takes place on the Bridge. They needed a way to get the character of Troi some airtime so she got paid, so stick her as a psychologist/alien mind reader. This also gives the possibility of adding in a dash of romance in the show to maybe attract the ladies to watch. (Riker/Troi)
The main reason that everything takes place on the bridge was because for the original series it was cheap to do. You needed like 4 sets to work with. (Bridge, engineering, elevator, random place full of props for occasional planet scene)

The lady fans, for reasons I cannot understand, are not particularly interested in heterosexual romance between the characters. Key word being "heterosexual", as you know if you've ever been exposed to slashfic. And why, if the new series had better budgeting, did everything important STILL take place in only about five locations?

01 Their Captain-- a CHEESE EATING SURRENDER MONKEY, otherwise known as a FRENCHMAN--- surrendered in the very first episode.
----ok so all liberals surrender ? Maybe maybe not. I think you are confusing the word "liberal" with the idea of extremist granola eating sandal wearing members of PETA protesting eating of meat or something.
As for the French.....well umm, ok.

The point is that they needed to set apart the new series by showing Picard doing something Kirk wouldn't have done. But why did it have to be that?