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PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2002 9:11 pm
by Scatman
I previously asked for input on a toon where I didn't feel comfortable with the punchline. As I thought about it, I felt that my uneasiness answered my own question. If I was uneasy about it, the little old lady in Buffalo surely would be mortified.

I know that this gag would have flown on the web, but I'm trying to creat print-friendly ideas. I'll proceed with the G rated version.
(Although the other version was only PG-13 at worst.)

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Scatman on 2002-03-01 11:54 ]</font>

PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2002 6:51 am
by GregCartoonist
I been hanging back thinkin' I'd suddenly figure this one out, but...

which cartoon are we talkin' about here?

PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2002 7:48 am
by Scatman
I edited tis post to avoid an obvious question, but I was questioning whether or not it would be okay to have Lester's friend, Warren, in a strip club talking to a stripper in the last panel of a toon. (The toon I may be drawing up next) The gag works a little better if I use the strip club, but I want to create work that would be suitable for newspapers. Am I right in assuming a strip club setting would cause more headaches than even a good gag is worth to a professional?

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Scatman on 2002-03-04 07:49 ]</font>

PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2002 7:29 am
by GregCartoonist
I dunno. Post it and let's see. If it seems offensive once you've had an objective look, don't include it when you send packages to the syndicates.

PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2002 9:01 am
by SpareChange
If you're really that uncomfortable with the "family-friendliness" of the strip, it probably needs to be reworked a little. Much can be done with a slightly different camera angle or reworked dialogue.

Or it can just be one of the "lost" comics to put in a collection, be it CD/book/whatever.

PostPosted: Wed Mar 06, 2002 5:35 am
by Scatman
Actually, I already drew up the print-friendly version. I'll post it on Friday and explain how I originally envisioned it. You can let me know what you think, but I'm starting to feel that the strip club element wouldn't have added enough to make it worthwhile.

By the way, Warren I like both your strips. I admire you for being able to put out so many good strips on a consistent basis.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Scatman on 2002-03-06 05:40 ]</font>

PostPosted: Fri Mar 08, 2002 4:25 am
by Scatman
Okay, this is the G rated version of the strip. (Fri 3-8) In my original idea, the setup could have taken place anywhere, not necessarily a diner. The final panel would have Warren sitting in a strip club talking to a stripper named Charity and holding a 1040 asking, "So how much do you think I gave you last year, Charity?"

I just thought that Charity was a good stripper name and that Warren's naughty habit revealed would be funny. Maybe I was right originally and the first idea would have worked fine. Is the original PG idea better? Is it worth a redraw?

PostPosted: Sat Mar 09, 2002 11:05 am
by Yupyop/m
Whew! Forget your password and this new board makes you work to get back in!
Scott, a successful comic lasts decades. Is the risk of losing readers in the long run worth the difference in one gag? Of course that kind of thinking gives us the CATHYs and GARFIELDs of the comics page- creatively dead but still entertaining millions.
What the reader grows to expect from the cartoonist plays a major role. Wiley of NON SEQUITUR can do gags Bil Keane of FAMILY CIRCUS can not.
As for the strip club. Is it funnier? Yes, in the same way hearing a comedian say the "F" word. I like the strip club version better, but I also liked the female stripper in MONTY. However a few papers dropped MONTY because of her.
Have you thought of selling the gag to PLAYBOY?

PostPosted: Sun Mar 10, 2002 5:08 am
by Scatman
Yupyop, I'm glad you found your way back. Your reasoning is pretty much the same as mine was when i decided to go with the non-stripper version of the strip. The version I created loses a little punch, but I think the gag still gets through.

I know that Playboy has been a great outlet for many cartoonists. I've never really thought of it because I assume they're mainly looking for single panels with risque' humor. Now my mind could befinitely come up with gags like that, and doing a panel here and ther would be a nice diversion, but I'm trying to develop the thinking and skills that will help me create a good newspaper suitable strip.

I won't dismiss the idea altogether, though. Sometimes I'm trying to think Homefries but my brain keeps drifting to Playboy stuff. And now that I think of it, the gag could easily work as a panel with different characters. Hmmm....

PostPosted: Sun Mar 10, 2002 7:47 am
by Yupyop/m
I think the strip club version would work as a panel. The art would have a guy putting money in a topless stripper's g-string. He is asking her, "Charity, how much did I give to you this year?" The caption at the bottom would read, "Fred discovered donations to charity are tax deductible."
I think focusing on the strip is a good idea, but you will always come up with ideas that don't work for the strip. Why waste them? It could make you some money and give you valuable experience to impress the syndicates.

PostPosted: Sun Mar 10, 2002 5:02 pm
by Scatman
I know any published work looks good on the ol' resume'. How many comics do you think it takes to make a decent submission to Playboy, The New Yorker, and othe comic friendly publications? I've got panel ideas in my head that are just going to waste, and like I said, doing some panels might be a nice diversion.

PostPosted: Wed Mar 13, 2002 5:06 pm
by ThrobbinJohnny
WHEW!! Finally made it back in!!!! Yupyop wasn't kidding...Johnny had to re-register, as Johnny's old e-mail is null and void...

3.13 gag was great!! It made Johnny want to post again...

RE: this thread, yes, the Charity stripper gag would be inappropriate for one good reason: It's out of character for Lester.

We the readers have only seen ol'Lester bumble around, sometimes a bit old fartish, a good does he oneday just wind up in a strip club??? The gag is funny, but it's waaaaaaay out of character for Lester, or anyone else in Homefries, IJO. Don't try and force gags on characters. As Schulz once wrote(and DiddyPop once read)"Once you know your characters, they write their own jokes."

Non-Verbatum, of course...

A scenario that would of worked is to have Lester playing Keno

PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2002 7:20 am
by Scatman
Thanks, Johnny. I'm glad you found your way back also. Just when I think all the bugs are out at keenspace, they make "improvements" that crash the system. I've got my fingers crossed.

I'm glad you liked the 3-13 gag. I don't know if I'm going through a dry spell or if I'm just overanalyzing the gags, but I'm hoping Lester and the gang start writing this stuff soon.

But here's another gag I'm not sure of:

Panel 1: Andy (the grandson) in bed with his mother sitting or standing at the edge of the bed.
Mother: "Are you sure you're sick or are you just trying to get out of your history test?"
Andy: "No, mom, honest."

Panel 2: Same scene, mother holding thermometer
Mother: "Well, I'd better take your temperature."

Panel 3: Same scene, mother with thermometer, Andy with his mouth open.
Mother: "Wrong end, roll over."

Panel 4: Andy at school bus stop
Andy: "I guess I was gonna get it either way."

Now my instincts tell me to let this one go, but my wife, who's much nicer than me, tells me it's not so bad. Any thoughts?