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Simpsons quotes

PostPosted: Sun Jul 28, 2002 7:18 am
by Justinpie
Some of my favorite quotes:

Lionel Hutz
"I've argued in front of every judge in this state. Often as a lawyer."


"If elected mayor, my first act will be to kill the whole lot of ya, and burn yer town to cinders!"

"Then grease me up, woman!"

Comic Book Guy
"Last night's 'Itchy & Scratchy' was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured, I was on the internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world."

"Are you the creator of Hi and Lois? Because if you are, you are making me laugh!"

"Hello supernintendo Chalmers. I'm lernding."

"My neck hurts and my ear hurts. I have two owwies."

what are yours?!

Holy Macaroni!

PostPosted: Sun Jul 28, 2002 9:31 am
by KathleenJ
Once I start this, I'll never be able to stop!
Ralph: "I bent my wookie!" * "When I grow up, I'm going to Bovine University!" *
Ralph:"I'm too scared to even wet my pants!"
Cheif Wiggum: "That's okay, son, just relax and it'll come"
Ralph: "This is my sandbox. I'm not allowed in the deep end - that's where I saw the leprechaun. He tells me to burn things!"
Leprechaun: "You've done great, laddy! Now you know what you have to do! Burn the house down! BURN 'EM ALL! "
Milhouse: "Remember Alf? He's pog form!"
Kent Brockman: "Authorities say this phony Pope can be recognized by his high-top sneakers, and incredibly foul mouth."
Homer: "No one gets into Heaven without a glowstick!"
*"Heh heh heh. That's what you get for not hailing to the chimp."
Homer: "Give me your finest food, stuffed with your second finest food!"
Waiter: "Excellent, sir. Lobster, stuffed with tacos."
Milhouse: What can I get for 75 cents?
Comic Book Guy: You may purchase this charming Hamburglar adventure. A child has already solved the jumble using crayons. The answer is fries.
Kids in the remedial class at Bart's new school:
"I just moved here from Canada, and they think I'm slow, ehhh?"
"I start fires!"
Homer: "A gun isn't a weapon, Marge! It's a tool! Like a hammer, or an...alligator".
Homer: "Is there anything you can prescribe, doctor?"
Dr. Hibbert: "Fire! And lots of it!"
Marge: "That's your cure for everything!"
Willie: "I didn'a cry when me own father was hung for stealing a pig, but I'll cry now"
"Lunchlady Doris...have ye got any grease? Then grease me up, woman!" <I know, it's been said, but it's double good!
gahhh, there's so many more I want to put in! I can't narrow it down, and I know there's more that I'm not thinking of right now that are better than what I've got here.
Ooh, one more. This always makes me laugh so hard, and I'm not sure why.
"Hey, Spock, what do you want on your hot dog?"
Leonard Nimoy: "Surprise me!" (the vendor slaps a big wad of something green on it)
Okay, I've got to stop or I"ll be doing this all day.[/b]

PostPosted: Tue Jul 30, 2002 1:58 am
I'll Just put a couple of quotes for now, then later I'll put some more.

"Yes Bart is a tutor now...... TOOT ON SON!!!! TOOT ON!!"

"Weaseling out of things is important. It seperates us from the animals..... except the weasel."

"Flordia!! that's America's Wang!!!"

"Please vote for my Dad, Homer Simpson. If you don't he'll beat me."
"WHY YOU LITTLE!!..... son no one's going to beat you...... oooh you're going to get such a beating"

"There is nary an animal that can outrun a greased Scotsman"

"BONJOURRRRRRRRRR!!!! You cheese-eating surrender-monkeys"

Skinner:"Sizes for the school uniforms are extra-large and extra-small..... oh wait I've been informed we're out of extra-large."

okay maybe some of these quotes aren't verbatum, but they are close enough.

One of the problems with the syndication of the simpsons, they edit some parts out of each episode. Unfortunately for me, they are usually the best part of the episode.

*must leave now b-before I remember more quotes.*

Dammit Too late!!!

Hans Moleman:
"I was saying boo-urns"

Freddy Quimby:
"It's pronounced Chow-DA!!"

"Hey McBain I really like your movies, but your last one sucked."
"I know, we were having script problems from day one."
Chief Wiggum:
"Ya I'll say, magic ticket my ass McBain!"
Maria. My mighty heart is breaking. I'll be in the humvee.

"...and to prove i'm not kidding" *explosion*
UN Guy (England):
"Oh my god. He blew up the central street bridge."
UN Guy (India):
"Maybe It collasped on it's own?"
UN (england):
"We can't afford to take that chance."
UN (India):
"You always say that. I want to take a chance."

*pfft* A couple of quotes I says..... Damn you Simpsons!!! awww I can't stay mad at you.

PostPosted: Tue Jul 30, 2002 11:52 pm
by KathleenJ
I am the lizard queen!
Now, I don't remember this one exactly, but:

Willie: You're still not in your own dimension, Homer! I can get you home, but you've gotta do everything I...URK!
(he gets hit in the back with an axe, for the second of three times that episode)
Maggie (in a deep voice): This is indeed a disturbing universe.

PostPosted: Fri Aug 02, 2002 8:13 am
by Balloonfrogspider
Not one Sideshow Bob quote???

"I will send you to heaven, before I send you to hell."

That's all I can think of now.
Having an off day.

PostPosted: Fri Aug 02, 2002 8:25 am
by Justinpie

PostPosted: Fri Aug 02, 2002 1:03 pm
by KathleenJ
How did I forget that?
....hee, my favorite Sideshow Bob thing isn't technically a's when he steps on like thirty rakes in successsion, and makes that same little "nggghhh!" noise after each one.

PostPosted: Fri Aug 02, 2002 1:16 pm
by Joe van der Gonz
"Hey! He lied to us through song! I hate when people do that!"

"I'm Idaho!"

"My cat's breath smells like cat food!"

"Principal Skinner and Ms. Crabapple were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby waved at me!"

"Garcon! Another bottle of your second least expensive champagne!"

PostPosted: Fri Aug 02, 2002 3:41 pm
"You're going to make money selling grease?"
"Nooo, Through saving and wise investment. Of course Grease!

"My baloney has a first name it's H-O-M-E-R...."

"Enough of this talk, I'm going to the outhouse."
"We don't have an outhouse"
"My Toolshed!!!"

"I don't want to look like a freak..... I'll just take the Moo-Moo."

Helper Monkey:
"Pray for Mojo"

I just realized the space in my brain reserved for Simpsons quotes could have used for something useful, Like getting my Doctorate in Molecular Biology..... meh.

PostPosted: Fri Aug 02, 2002 6:08 pm
by KathleenJ
I wash myself with a rag on a stick.

PostPosted: Fri Aug 02, 2002 9:25 pm
Mr Burns:
Uh oh, I've said too much. Smithers, use the amnesia ray on these people.
You mean The Revolver?
Mr. Burns:
Yes, and make sure you wipe your memory clean afterwards.

PostPosted: Sun Aug 04, 2002 1:10 pm
by Balloonfrogspider
Hey Homer if you could kill someone on they way out it would be a big help.

PostPosted: Sun Aug 04, 2002 2:44 pm
Mr Burns:
Once when I was a child, my father took me to the park. We had a Gay old time. Oh Ho, I had my fill of weiners that day.

PostPosted: Sun Aug 04, 2002 9:27 pm
by EteRock
I'm a Simpsons freak.

Homer: Homer no function beer well without.

Homer: I think Mr. Smithers choose me for my motivation skills. Everyone always say they have to work twice as hard when I'm around.

Lenny: Oh good those beavers are going over to help him.
Carl: Oh no! They're biting him and stealing his pants.

Skinner: Ok we give them the bikes and nobody sues
Willie: What if they're dead sir?
Skinner: Then we ride these bikes to Mexico and freedom Willie. Freedom.
Willie: Yeah freedom....I'll turn you in at the first toll booth.

Willie: Willie hears you, Willie don't care.

Sideshow Bob: I've had some trouble with the law you know.
Cecil: Oh really? I had no idea. I've been living on a cave....with my eyes shut.....and my fingers in my ears.

Homer: No Lisa the only monster here is the gambling that has enslaved your mother. I call him Gamblor and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!

Mr. Black: Gentlemen, to evil.

Wiggum: Looks like you bought yourself a ticket to prison.
Eddie: Uh he's unconscious chief.
Wiggum: They can still hear things.

Lisa: How'd you take your underwear off without taking off your pants?
Grampa: I don't know.

Homer: Bart with $10,000 we'd be millionaires. We could buy all sorts of things

Hans: Today part 9 of the agony that I live every daaaaaaaaay.

Homer: Oh Lord protect this rocket house and all who dwell within the rocket house.

Homer: Is this episode going on the air live?
June: No Homer very few cartoon shows are broadcast live, it's a terrible strain on the animators' wrists.

Grampa: Oh no! I'm a fraud and this company will be ruined!
Roger Meyers Jr: Huh what was that? I wasn't paying attention, and now I have to go.

Hutz: Care to join me in a drink?
Marge: It's 9:30 in the morning.
Hutz: Yeah well I haven't slept in days.

(Smithers computer startup)Mr Burns: Hello Smithers you're quite good at turning me on.

Mr Burns: What was I laughing about again? Oh yes the crippled Irishman.

Homer: I can't take his money, I can't make my own money. Why don't I just lie down and die!

Milhouse: My mom says I'm cool.

Bart: You were telling me how to get out of jury duty.
Homer: Oh yes. The trick is to tell them you're prejudices against all races.

Ralph: Principal Skinner is an old man who smells funny and lives at the school.

Bart: Can't sleep clown'll eat me. Can't sleep clown'll eat me.

Homer: No tv no beer make Homer something something.
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I do!

Wiggum: Alright Fat Tony what do you know about a stolen cigarette truck?
Fat Tony: What's a truck?
Wiggum: Don't play dumb with me.

Bart: You can sleep in that box. Just push the cot out of the way.
Hobo: Hmmm.
Bart: You know what rayon is?
Hobo: No.
Bart: (pause) Well good night.

Kang: This is my sister Kodos
Kodos: (male voice) Hello.

Comic Book Guy: Please don't bang your head against the case. It contains a very rare Mary Worth in which she convinces a friend to commit suicide.

Comic Book Guy: That’s a very rare picture of Sean Connery signed by Roger Moore.

PostPosted: Sun Aug 04, 2002 11:16 pm
by KathleenJ
It's just a little airborne! It's still good! It's still good!
Hey, welcome to the board!
Hee hee, for pretty much every quote that gets mentioned, I think "Damn! How did I miss THAT one?"
I'm a total Simpsons freak too. For any of these quotes, in a split second I could give you the context, and the lines that go before and after it.
And now for two unrelated ones on a subject close to everyone's heart....bees.
First beekeeper: To the beemobile!
Second beekeeper: You mean your Chevy?
First beekeepter: ...yes.
(the power plant is being inspected)
Smithers: Don't worry, sir, I rounded up all the less gifted employees and shut them in the basement.
Guy: Duh, why are we here, Homer?
Homer: I TOLD you! To guard the bee!
Guy: But why?
Homer: You guys are pathetic! No wonder Smithers made me head bee guy!
(he accidentally breaks the bee jar and the bee gets away)
Guy: Aww. We did BAD.
Homer: The bee bit my bottom! And now my bottom's big!

PostPosted: Sun Aug 04, 2002 11:17 pm
by KathleenJ
Ooh, one more!
Skinner (ringing a bell): Boy for sale! Boy for sale!
Jimbo: Is this legal, man?
Skinner: Only here, and in Mississippi.

PostPosted: Mon Aug 05, 2002 3:33 am
by EteRock
kathleenJ wrote:It's just a little airborne! It's still good! It's still good!
Hey, welcome to the board!
Hee hee, for pretty much every quote that gets mentioned, I think "Damn! How did I miss THAT one?"
I'm a total Simpsons freak too. For any of these quotes, in a split second I could give you the context, and the lines that go before and after it.

Heh I'm the same way. Give me a quote and most of the time I can tell you what episode it came from, newer eps are a problem though since I haven't seem them that many times. I use to be able to quote entire episodes haven't done that in a while though. I need to find that place with the Simpsons trivia again. I was always in the top 5. Reading all these quotes have brought back a lot of memories.

Shopkeeper: The toy is cursed.
Homer: That's bad
Shopkeeper: But it comes with a free frogret.
Homer: That's good.
Shopkeeper: The frogret is also cursed
Homer: That's bad.
Shopkeeper: But it comes with a free chose of topping
Homer: That's good.
Shopkeeper: The topping contain (something I forgot the exect word)
Homer: ..........
Shopkeeper: That's bad.
Homer: Can I go now?

Bart: So where does this bastard live?
Homer&Marge: Bart!
Bart: What? His parents aren't married it's a correct term, I looked it up.
Homer: I guess he has us there.
Bart: Bastard bastard bastard bastard bastard bastard bastard.

Homer: Trying is the first step towards failure.

Dr Nick: Hi everybody!

(in a lesbian bar)Homer: Somethings not right here. Wait a minute I know! This lesbian bar has no fire exit! Enjoy your death trap ladies.
Woman: What's her problem?

(while riding a cart)Homer: Must kill Moe WEEEEEEEE! Must kill Moe WEEEEEEE!

Moe: Hey if you guys are getting high off those fumes I'm going to have to start charging you.

(drunk)Homer: So I says 'Blue m&m red m&m doesn't matter they all end up the same color in the end.' You are so hot. If I wasn't married I'd do you in an instant! I'm sorry, please don't tell my wife I oh hey a penny. (falls the the floor)

Homer: Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. I've seen teams suck before but these were the suckiest bunch of sucks to ever suck.
Marge: Homer!
Homer: Oh got to go, my damn wiener kids are listening.
Lisa: We are not wieners!

This one always makes me laugh for some reason. It's from the 138th special where Troy was answering "fan mail"

Mail: I think Homer gets stupider every year.
Troy: That's not a question.

PostPosted: Mon Aug 05, 2002 10:30 am
by KathleenJ
EteRock wrote:Shopkeeper: The topping contain (something I forgot the exect word)

Potassium Benzoate! ...why did I know that? :D
Yeah, I'm like that with the newer episodes...I don't know them as well because I've only seen them once, twice at best. I never think to record them.
Lisa: Dad, you can't judge a place you've never been to.
Bart: Yeah, that's what they do in Russia.
(Burns and Smithers are 1930s sailors, and discussing bringing Marge aboard)
Smithers: I think women and seamen don't mix.
Burns: We all know what YOU think.
Nelson (wearing war paint in the Lord of the Flies episode): The hunt...has...begun.
Ralph (painted like a kitty): Meow!
Homer: You can do it Otto, you can do it Otto! Help each other out, that'll be our motto! You can do it Otto! You can do it Otto!
Apu: Make this spare, I'll give you free gelato.
Moe: Get back to my place, where I will get you blotto!
Homer: Domo arigato, Mister roboto!
Homer: So you're saying...we're definitely going to win? I won't need THIS any more!
(grabs a Best Supporting Oscar statue with someone else's name crossed off of it off a shelf, and tries to flush it)
Homer: Marge! ...Someone broke the toilet!
Marge: Bart! You can't ask God to kill someone!
Homer: Yeah, you do your own dirty work, boy.

PostPosted: Mon Aug 05, 2002 10:56 am
Adam West:
And how come BatMan dosen't dance anyomore, remember the Bat-too-cie? *proceeds to do it*

What are you going to do send your dogs? Or your bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they shoot out bees?

Bart I don't want to alarm you, but there could possible be a BoogyMan or Men in this house.

Sideshow Bob:
Oh Yeah! Shake it Madam! Capital Knockers!

This isn't really a quote, but it makes me laugh though. It's the episode where Bart works for the mob. Marge looks out the window and says "That van has been there for 5 days, how long does it take to deliver a pizza". Then the survellience/pizza van drives away. Then a new Van parks at the same spot. Of the side of the van It says "Flowers By Irene" But looking at it veritcally it spells FBI.

PostPosted: Mon Aug 05, 2002 11:07 am
by KathleenJ
Ha! I loved that!

And I can't believe I forgot this one, which is also more of a scene than a quote:
Grandpa: My plane went down, and I had to spend the rest of the war posing as a German burlesque singer.
(flashback - he's on stage in drag singing with a German accent)
Hitler (at a table, waving): Yoo hoo!
(Grandpa seductively slides one of his shoulder straps down, but one of the grapefruits/oranges he has in his chest falls out and rolls away)
Hitler: Ach du lieber! Das is not un BOOBY!
Bart: Is that story true, Grandpa?
Grandpa: Well, I did wear a dress for a period in the forties! Oh, they had designers then!