Ti-Phil threw Robot up into the air, his hands following shortly thereafter as he screamed in panic, "Children and moogles first!" before running away from Pimpette, fleeing back to the bar and his stash of kuponuts. Ahaugen and McDuffies however remained rooted in fear and panic, the Canadian temptress squealing with girlish glee before charging at McDuffies. The poor cat could do nothing but get crushed in an embrace that threatened to cave in his chest, his hands flailing wildly for something, anything to grab onto. However, the soft velour of Pimpette's coat gave his grip no purchase, so he struggled in vain.
Ahaugen quietly crept away on his hands and knees, picking up his shotgun and holstering it again as he rounded a building's corner and disappeared from sight. His final image of his boss was his face turning quite blue while Pimpette bounced with joy in a manner both provocative and frightening. His body shook with the terror that he had narrowly escaped a dreaded glomping, and for now he'd live to comic another day. He knew the fierceness of the northern people, having lived amongst their kind for years, yet still to see their glomps and huggles in person...it was a sight he could not unsee. Standing up, he wiped the sweat from his brow with a handkerchief, the patterned red silk smearing away a thin layer of dust and gunpowder residue. The grime, smelling of sulfur and spambot blood (which is well known to smell exactly like black cherry soda, for reasons unknown) tinged his nostrils.
"Ahem." The voice came from behind him, from the shadows cast by the moonlight above. It was a voice that haunted him, a voice tinged with madness and a lust for science of a darker nature. It was Legostar. The Doctor had returned. He could hear the plastic foot tapping in the dirt, could imagine the numerous guns with glowing bits and funny tubes pointed at him this very instant. Slowly, he turned.
A smile plastered itself onto his face as he spread his arms wide in the best greeting he could fake, "Doc! It's a pleasure to see you! We haven't seen you in these parts for quite some time. Back to set up your old shop?" He raised his eyebrows knowingly, cautiously putting one arm around Lego's shoulders and steering him away from Pimpette's part of the town. When nothing immediately snapped his arm, shot him in the kidneys, or tried to stab his uvula, he continued. "I'm sure there's quite a few folks around who'd be dying for your services. Get it? Dying for your services?!?" Surprising even himself, he managed to laugh at his little joke.
"I'm not here for business, Ahaugen, I'm here for pleasure." The Doc looked up at him, a serious expression on his face. "And you know I take my pleasure very seriously, so none of your silliness." Smiling weakly, Ahaugen lowered his arm from Lego's shoulders, allowing the yellow man to continue as they walked on. "It seems that you've got a bad case of the spammers, and my fool of a lackey went and got himself involved in it. He has no place getting involved in wecomic business!!! He hasn't done a comic in years!" He looked Ahaugen right in the eyes, his own wide with a wild expression. "He's not even DRAWN, dammit! He's...from reality."
For a few seconds they walked in silence, then Ahaugen chimed back in. "Wait, don't you also do photo comics?" Lego dismissed him with a wave of his hand. "Pish posh. I'm a walking talking Lego man who's a mad scientist. I had Doctor Octopus arms once, for crying out loud. I'm barely rational, let alone real. The furthest he's ever gotten was fanart, and that's no way to live on a comics forum." They stopped, standing now outside the doctor's old shop. Inside, Ahaugen could see BEC in a nurse's outfit, boredly studying up on 'Mad Science for Dummies', and SpacePrincess trying out the different guns Lego had left behind. "What was Doc Lego up to?" he wondered.
"The point I'm trying to make, Ahaugen," continued Lego, snapping the man's attention away from the shop, "is that he's an idiot for thinking he could fight off a bunch of spammers alongside you lot without the proper cartoonity to his nature. Ergo, I now get to-I mean have to, have to, assemble an army of cyborg warriors from the bodies of the fallen and unleash my wrath upon anyone I can find as part of some plot to get revenge against Claude!" With that, he burst into a fit of mad scientist laughter. Ahaugen noted to himself that the doc's evil laugh had improved a lot since he'd last heard it.
"Um, Lego, you do realize there's a problem with that plan, right?" He raised an eyebrow.
The little man stopped laughing and frowned. "Um, not enough lasers? Cause I'm working on that, but it's really tough to work them into the Wild West motif we've got going on here."
Ahaugen shook his head, a smirk crossing his mouth. "Nope, just that Claude hasn't been seen around these parts even longer than you. If anything, you coming back now means yours is the last great house standing." He glanced at the run down shack, a shingle falling off with perfect timing. "Figuratively speaking."
"Oh, I hadn't actually counted on winning," muttered Lego, furiously scratching his head. "No matter!" he abruptly exclaimed, smiling madly once more. "The point of mad science isn't to use it to crush your enemies, it's to build lots and lots of strange and bizarre things AND THEN CRUSH YOUR ENEMIES!!!" He cackled madly once more, then stopped and his eyes narrowed at Ahaugen. "And I think that my prayers in the laser department have been answered by your little robot friend, the one hiding underneath your trenchcoat...."
Robot screamed a battle cry, firing his laser wildly as he appeared from beneath the folds of Ahaugen's leather trenchcoat. He darted about in circles, shooting at anything that moved in his blurry vision, screaming with terror and rage and any other emotion he could think of. Finally, he stopped, looking around to see that everyone remained unharmed despite the massive property damage he had inflicted upon the already run down neighborhood. His eyes darted back and forth frantically, terrified, before locking onto Lego. His vision turned red and he tried to fry the plastic man with all his might while screaming "I am no one's science experiment!" When the moment had passed, he was agog to see that Doctor Legostar was untouched.
In his hands he held a small box with a big red button. A yellow clawed hand closed around the button again, deactivating whatever infernal contraption it was linked to, and the doctor smiled. "Sonic screwdrivers are for sissies. That Doctor wishes he had science gadgets like my mad science gadgets!" And he laughed his evil laugh, the chilling sound echoing through the town.
Ahaugen once more snuck off. McDuffies continued to be huggled and glomped while being unable to steal Pimpette's panties. Pimpette didn't have the heart to tell McDuffies she wasn't wearing any. Ti-Phil relaxed with a stiff kuponut whiskey, neat, to calm his nerves. And Laemkral, he twitched his finger and felt a little more....animated.
Avatar courtesy of Fading Aura.
Heed these words: I do not draw. Photos if you're lucky.