Livejournal Thread 4: Can't kill what's already dead inside

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Re: Livejournal Thread 4: Can't kill what's already dead ins

Postby VeryCuddlyCornpone on Tue Feb 25, 2014 5:35 pm

Thanks guys. I know all of what you've said to be true, but I get in a mood sometimes and it seems liek it's been hanging around more and more lately.

The problem is I have people in my life who are rightly frustrated I don't have a direction, and try to convince me to take up jobs or careers I'm really not interested in. My dad's the biggest contributor there. I can't blame him because I'd be frustrated if I was my own kid, too, especially after living the life he did where he never got good grades, dropped out of college, worked service jobs and then manual laborer for almost 30 years, the kind of thing where he'd give anything to have had the start I did with regards to school and grades and education and whatever.

He can sense that I'm coasting, and that I'm really not ambitious. It's a stark contrast to my sister who is working really hard in school, has a good and reasonable idea what she wants to do with her life, plans to follow her passion, has been accepted to her top school she really cares about and researched really hard and is getting BIG scholarship $$$s to go there, and just in general has a direction, even if it's something that may end up changing later.

I got good grades in high school without trying, had a vague idea what I wanted to do with my life but nothing surefire, went to the school I went to just because I knew I had to go somewhere and liked it when I visited it, didn't try to get any scholarships that would have been really helpful if I'd been capable of acting like an adult, and just kind of kept floating on by, never reaching far, just swinging my hand weakly and reluctantly out to grab onto the next foothold. Now I've got myself over into a place on the mountain face where I can't even see where to reach next.

I don't regret where I went to school or anything like that, I just regret not taking advantage of the myriad opportunities I had been given. Like, if I had tried just a *little* bit harder way back whenever, if I had just done one iota over the bare minimum, exerted myself just a tad, maybe I wouldn't be where I am. Why didn't I take up an internship? Why didn't I study abroad? Why didn't I try to get scholarships? Why didn't I meet with an academic advisor to see if I was really describably on the right path? Why didn't I want to put any serious thought into the future, into "where do I want to be in five years?"
Whatever excuses I had at the time or whatever justifications you might reasonably think I had, I know the real answer just comes down to a. fear and b. inertia. If I had had any ambition to do any of those things, I could have easily found a way.


I'm in a better place than I was this time last year, at least, when I was working the horrendous job that drained me of lifeblood. The only advantage I had last year was I was making *mad* bank, like I made as much in a week and a half then as I do in a month now. But that's the price I pay I guess for being able to have a life outside of work.

Anyway. Thanks guys. I need to take things one step at a time, I guess. It's just easier to do it if you can actually see where you're putting your foot and know to some degree of accuracy where it is you're headed.
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Re: Livejournal Thread 4: Can't kill what's already dead ins

Postby djracodex on Wed Mar 12, 2014 2:28 pm

months ago, I missed the pre-order for the peach john 20th anniversary Sailor Moon pjs (decided after much consideration not to be the person that owned the lingerie), so I stalked waited for them to come out a couple months later, then pounced in the first 5 minutes they had stock. Paid way too much, don't care, I've been a big fan for nearly 20 years and they were totes cute. Got tracking on the package, checked the tracking on my phone pretty much every 6 hours, saw the tracking notice that it arrived at my appartment complex and a "notice" was left for me since I was not there. Go to post office, they don't have it. I never recieved a notice. It's been a week and a half, they have no idea where my package is.

It made it across the ocean, through customs, to my appartment office, and disappeared. All I want are my damn nostalgic over-priced booty shorts and T with kitties and moons on them. /livejournal
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Re: Livejournal Thread 4: Can't kill what's already dead ins

Postby RobboAKAscooby on Mon Mar 17, 2014 2:06 pm

Two things to vent today:

First, I really need to be more confident about my work. I get a decent amount of compliments from customers but I'm all too aware of my flaws to take on the good things people say.
This morning one of the cops was asking me about my stuff, which we'd talked about previously, but I couldn't allow myself to tell him the website address and said my site's a mess at the moment (to be fair I need to fix some things)
This isn't the first time I've encountered this issue of my self-consciousness. Despite people liking my art I can't help but be worried about sharing my work. I don't know why I'm like this, I'll share my stuff with complete strangers or with people I know well but the sort of in between people is where I go all weird about it.
And it's not like I have anything I'm embarassed about on my site I just don't understand myself sometimes.

Second, and y'all can feel free to ignore this one, I hate it when members of fandoms act exclusionary.
One of the few Swifties I'm friends with on twitter reposted/commented on this thing another Swiftie wrote about "not liking all of Taylor's songs but they feel accepted anyway" (paraphrasing) and my friend basically said the other Swiftie wasn't a true fan.
It's not the first time I've witnessed the "not a true fan" thing, I've seen it in pretty much every fandom I've been in but it kind of makes me sad when there's this all or nothing, you must conform, exclusion going on.
I think if you like something enough then, that should be enough, you're part of the fandom
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Re: Livejournal Thread 4: Can't kill what's already dead ins

Postby VeryCuddlyCornpone on Mon Mar 24, 2014 3:53 pm

RobboAKAscooby wrote:Two things to vent today:

First, I really need to be more confident about my work. I get a decent amount of compliments from customers but I'm all too aware of my flaws to take on the good things people say.
This morning one of the cops was asking me about my stuff, which we'd talked about previously, but I couldn't allow myself to tell him the website address and said my site's a mess at the moment (to be fair I need to fix some things)

This isn't the first time I've encountered this issue of my self-consciousness. Despite people liking my art I can't help but be worried about sharing my work. I don't know why I'm like this, I'll share my stuff with complete strangers or with people I know well but the sort of in between people is where I go all weird about it.
And it's not like I have anything I'm embarassed about on my site I just don't understand myself sometimes.

I've been there a lot.
Or when my boyfrien and I are talking to his friends who I'm in the process of becoming acquainted with, he'll be like "Yeah Cuddly does a comic, you guys should read it!" but doesn't really explain anything about it, so everyone turns to kind of look at me and I just brush it off like "Yup, you can find the link on Facebook..."
I just don't want to be the weird girlfriend who tries to make people read her mediocre webcomic? Is that even a stereotype???



Second, and y'all can feel free to ignore this one, I hate it when members of fandoms act exclusionary.
One of the few Swifties I'm friends with on twitter reposted/commented on this thing another Swiftie wrote about "not liking all of Taylor's songs but they feel accepted anyway" (paraphrasing) and my friend basically said the other Swiftie wasn't a true fan.
It's not the first time I've witnessed the "not a true fan" thing, I've seen it in pretty much every fandom I've been in but it kind of makes me sad when there's this all or nothing, you must conform, exclusion going on.
I think if you like something enough then, that should be enough, you're part of the fandom

This is a small part of the pie chart for why I don't do fandoms. The biggest pie slice is that I just plain don't like anything enough to really fangirl it. Geeks being an often reliably insular & alienating group- contradictory as it may seem to the idea of geeks being outcasts- is also a good daily serving.
I wonder if part of it, besides the thrill of being in an "exclusive" group, is the idea that mandating who does and doesn't count as a "real fan" makes people feel like they've got a position of authority that makes them closer to the source material/creator. Like, youd on't want to just be *in* the fan club. You want to be the president. Either go whole-nerd or go home, or something.




Other wise, I'm mad it's only Monday. Why did I agree to help chaperone a trip to the city tomorrow? I hate the city, I hate buses, it's supposed to snow again. I want to stay home with my library books that I keep having to renew because I keep being too tired to read them :(

I wish the cold weather would stay away at last. I am so sick and tired of my coat and so tired of having to warm my car up before work.



edit: However, the fact that March is nearly over is really exciting to me. I'm really looking forward to putting up next month's calendar sheet. I usually like the transitional-season months but this year it has just been too much lion and not nearly enough lamb. I have many things to look forward to in April! It is still a week away though.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand because I can't stop blabbering endlessly, how has it already been 2+ weeks since I updated my comic last. how. I really do not recall that many days passing. I will never be able to find a dress in time for the ball :(

and by that i mean have it suitable for W.A.Y.

an event that i tragically look forward to with more anticipation than certain real holidays
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Re: Livejournal Thread 4: Can't kill what's already dead ins

Postby LibertyCabbage on Tue Mar 25, 2014 9:59 am

RobboAKAscooby wrote:This morning one of the cops was asking me about my stuff
IRL Webcomic Popo

RobboAKAscooby wrote:I think if you like something enough then, that should be enough, you're part of the fandom
Sounds like an ego trip thing. "I'm the most bestest No. 1 Swift fan evar." Like being a fan is competitive.

VeryCuddlyCornpone wrote:Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand because I can't stop blabbering endlessly, how has it already been 2+ weeks since I updated my comic last. how. I really do not recall that many days passing. I will never be able to find a dress in time for the ball :(
Yeah, I'm doing even worse. Okay, time for me to stop derpin' around.
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Re: Livejournal Thread 4: Can't kill what's already dead ins

Postby RobboAKAscooby on Tue Mar 25, 2014 12:38 pm

LibertyCabbage wrote:
RobboAKAscooby wrote:This morning one of the cops was asking me about my stuff
IRL Webcomic Popo

:lol:
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Re: Livejournal Thread 4: Can't kill what's already dead ins

Postby McDuffies on Wed Mar 26, 2014 12:47 am

VeryCuddlyCornpone wrote:This is a small part of the pie chart for why I don't do fandoms. The biggest pie slice is that I just plain don't like anything enough to really fangirl it. Geeks being an often reliably insular & alienating group- contradictory as it may seem to the idea of geeks being outcasts- is also a good daily serving.
I wonder if part of it, besides the thrill of being in an "exclusive" group, is the idea that mandating who does and doesn't count as a "real fan" makes people feel like they've got a position of authority that makes them closer to the source material/creator. Like, youd on't want to just be *in* the fan club. You want to be the president. Either go whole-nerd or go home, or something.


Haha.
All you have to do is stop caring about the titles. Like what does it mean being called not a true fan of something? Does it diminish your listening experience? Everyone's a fan on their own terms.
I think being "less of a fan" of something actually sounds preferable to me, because that leaves you more open to being a fan of different things. Like I'd rather be a casual fan of ten bands that a hard core fan who only listens to one band.
I think I've never done fan communities because I couldn't stand being in a place where everyone shares the same opinion about something. Even if that opinion was, say that Nick Cave is great. I'd probably go to a Nick Cave forum to constantly talk about The Kinks or something.
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Re: Livejournal Thread 4: Can't kill what's already dead ins

Postby RobboAKAscooby on Wed Mar 26, 2014 2:03 am

McDuffies wrote:Haha.
All you have to do is stop caring about the titles. Like what does it mean being called not a true fan of something? Does it diminish your listening experience? Everyone's a fan on their own terms.
I think being "less of a fan" of something actually sounds preferable to me, because that leaves you more open to being a fan of different things. Like I'd rather be a casual fan of ten bands that a hard core fan who only listens to one band.
I think I've never done fan communities because I couldn't stand being in a place where everyone shares the same opinion about something. Even if that opinion was, say that Nick Cave is great. I'd probably go to a Nick Cave forum to constantly talk about The Kinks or something.


Truth is I never identify myself by any of the fandom names for anything I'm a fan of (I certainly don't call myself a Swiftie since I call her Swifty and that would sound weird).
Nor am I ever a big participant in fandom stuff, but I do like to connect with people with similar interests.

I just feel bad for the people who feel (or want to be) part of the group and are told otherwise. (Side note: when the heck did I develop empathy.)

But I do have to agree with you on the "casual fan of ten bands rather than hard core of one" thing.
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Re: Livejournal Thread 4: Can't kill what's already dead ins

Postby VeryCuddlyCornpone on Wed Mar 26, 2014 11:18 am

Me called being not a true fan of something doesn't diminish my experience at all or anything, but again, that's because I rarely like anything enough, and if I do, I don't talk to people who would be weird exclusion fetishists about it, and if I did, I would know that they were a poopyhead and I was cool.
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Re: Livejournal Thread 4: Can't kill what's already dead ins

Postby RobboAKAscooby on Wed Mar 26, 2014 3:11 pm

VeryCuddlyCornpone wrote:if I do, I don't talk to people who would be weird exclusion fetishists about it, and if I did, I would know that they were a poopyhead and I was cool.


See that's why I hang around this place instead of fan-forums.
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Re: Livejournal Thread 4: Can't kill what's already dead ins

Postby VeryCuddlyCornpone on Wed Mar 26, 2014 3:20 pm

RobboAKAscooby wrote:
VeryCuddlyCornpone wrote:if I do, I don't talk to people who would be weird exclusion fetishists about it, and if I did, I would know that they were a poopyhead and I was cool.


See that's why I hang around this place instead of fan-forums.

Yeeeeeeaaa boyeeeeeeeeeeee *trans-continental hi-5*
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Re: Livejournal Thread 4: Can't kill what's already dead ins

Postby VeryCuddlyCornpone on Sat Apr 12, 2014 3:10 pm

It was nice today and I should have gone for a run. :(




I'm annoyed because lately google chrome shortcuts are, I don't really know how to put this, "sleeping." I'll try to hit ctril+w to close a tab or something and nothing happens unless I click the cursor somewhere on the window that is open (and then hit buttons for the shortcut again). If I'm going to have to click something anyway, and maneuver the mouse away from anything that would lead me away from the page, I might as well just use the mouse for everything instead and not bother with the shortcuts.

It's so dumb because it's literally the smallest thing that is just the most pequena convenience and takes fractions of a second longer for me to do it the mouse way anyway, but I've gotten so used to keyboard shortcutting for so many things that it catches me every single time I try to do it.
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Re: Livejournal Thread 4: Can't kill what's already dead ins

Postby McDuffies on Sun Apr 13, 2014 7:07 am

I am annoyed at new version of Opera... it's one of those attempts to completely reimagine internet surfing. Like, tired of old bookmarks? Now we have something much better! Well no, I'm not tired, and your new thing is confusing! It's like trying to reimagine a hammer, and wondering why people just won't start hammering nails with your new ultra-nail.glider. Previous versions had option to return to old interface, but now they're burrying old options deeper into the interface, so that we can't find them and we'd be forced to use their crap.
Man and I really liked their bookmark synchronization... I use 4 different computers regularly and for the first time I had them handy all the time.
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Re: Livejournal Thread 4: Can't kill what's already dead ins

Postby VeryCuddlyCornpone on Sun Apr 13, 2014 7:40 am

McDuffies wrote: It's like trying to reimagine a hammer, and wondering why people just won't start hammering nails with your new ultra-nail.glider.

:lol:

I hate this too. I understand the idea of "progress" and improving existing products, but there's something to be said for "don't fix it if it ain't broken." I know that doesn't put any money in the pockets of CEOs though so they never bother to just leave well enough alone.
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Re: Livejournal Thread 4: Can't kill what's already dead ins

Postby IVstudios on Sun Apr 13, 2014 9:00 am

Yeah, what's with things changing? First something was one way and now it's another! :x And before that it was a different way too! I know I said I hated it when they made it the way it was, but now I like it and they changed it! Why can't things just stagnate so I don't have to learn new things?


:wink:
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Re: Livejournal Thread 4: Can't kill what's already dead ins

Postby Bustertheclown on Sun Apr 13, 2014 10:25 am

These companies have lots of employees. They need to keep them working on something.
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Re: Livejournal Thread 4: Can't kill what's already dead ins

Postby McDuffies on Wed Apr 16, 2014 10:00 am

*changes IV's face*
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Re: Livejournal Thread 4: Can't kill what's already dead ins

Postby VeryCuddlyCornpone on Wed Jun 04, 2014 5:05 pm

Fuck


The hours when I come home zoom the fuck past and I keep putting off the work I need to do for tomorrow and now it's 9 pm and I'm so damn tired and I still have to do it

I know that like, literally next Saturday I won't have to do anywhere near this much preparatory work but still.

I just want to finish my freaking scene :( :(
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Re: Livejournal Thread 4: Can't kill what's already dead ins

Postby RobboAKAscooby on Wed Jun 04, 2014 5:34 pm

VeryCuddlyCornpone wrote:Fuck


The hours when I come home zoom the fuck past and I keep putting off the work I need to do for tomorrow and now it's 9 pm and I'm so damn tired and I still have to do it

I know that like, literally next Saturday I won't have to do anywhere near this much preparatory work but still.

I just want to finish my freaking scene :( :(


I feel for you.

Wishing you hugs and cookies.
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Re: Livejournal Thread 4: Can't kill what's already dead ins

Postby RobboAKAscooby on Thu Jul 03, 2014 2:29 am

Well thanks to extra shifts at work lately (which I actually need so can't complain too much) and now a bit of a cold, I've fallen behind schedule again.

The cold is the worse part, I'm trying to ink tonight but everytime I lean over my nose runs like a tap D:
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