SergeXIII wants to review your web comic

[Spudman]

Hey there,

I've got two webcomics, if you're interested in reviewing them. And to all you other lovely people, feel free to check them out!

Extracurricular Activities (updating 3 pages a week at Zuda Comics)
http://www.zudacomics.com/extracurricular_activities

The Mundane Overrated Misadventures of Spudman (updating 1 page a week at Shadowline Comics)
http://www.shadowlinecomics.com/webcomi ... ofspudman/

Thanks regardless!

Rory

[Toreador]

hehe not mouch on here right now but ill throw it up anyway

http://swashbuckled.comicgenesis.com

[VeryCuddlyCornpone]

Toreador- FURBY????? *brain explodes with nostalgia* That makes me want to look at the rest of your site now.

ETA: Not to impose on Serge's turf but my my my the typos!! Proofreading is your buddy! Otherwise looking decent for a young infant.



(I'm saying your site is an infant, not that you yourself are one)

[SergeXIII]

I'm currently reading comics off of my PS3 for this in leu of my broken laptop. Its a slower system so bear with me.

[Nalem]

Your name's familiar.

[Pledged-comic]

SergeXIII, you're a doll for doing this for all these people out of the goodness of your heart.

Your reviews are really in depth too! I'm think of starting up a few of these because of them, so thank you.

[Killbert-Robby]

Unfortunately the waiting list to go down on him is already like a year long, but if you're patient...

[Pledged-comic]

Ah, no I meant reading some of the ones he's reviewed.

I haven't even began to put my comic on my page here yet, lol.

[Redtech]

Unfortunately the waiting list to go down on him is already like a year long, but if you're patient...

Fuck.

[Jekkal]

Unfortunately the waiting list to go down on him is already like a year long, but if you're patient...

Fuck.

No, the line for THAT is two years long.

... Make sure to bring protection.

[Killbert-Robby]

Unfortunately the waiting list to go down on him is already like a year long, but if you're patient...

Fuck.

No, the line for THAT is two years long.

... Make sure to bring protection.

Not even worth it, he'll be dry like a pair of raisins.

[Toreador]

Toreador- FURBY????? *brain explodes with nostalgia* That makes me want to look at the rest of your site now.

ETA: Not to impose on Serge's turf but my my my the typos!! Proofreading is your buddy! Otherwise looking decent for a young infant.



(I'm saying your site is an infant, not that you yourself are one)

hehe yeah i thought that would be amusing
as for they typos thats why i have my partner/writer now (and she will be running the store in about 2 years if things go well)
hehe thanks im working on developing my process and my artwork so it should become alot cleaner as time goes on!
and feel free to read at your lesure, that is why comics are up here after all!

i dont mind the long wait just means i can get more up there

[SergeXIII]

Okay, heres another one. Remember, I'm working off a computer I don't have much time to use as my laptop is busted, so this is not going to be up to the level of past reviews, I'll just have to issue rainchecks for when I can give it my all:

Canix Ex Machina

Canis Ex Machina begins with a battle between two cyborgs of different sexes on a destroyed highway high above the skyline of a futuristic dystopian cyberpunk landscape littered with a sea of atypical skyscrapers. I can’t say I approve of this method as the audience is unaware of the characters and as such are unable to take concern over which one wins and which one loses, though on the other hand it does work well as an establishing piece demonstrating the environment and technology in question. This establishment goes on for a bit too long though, about two months worth of comics to be exact. The male cyborg defeats the female, sending her body careening into the depths of the city where she would remain for three years, when she is repaired and revived by a mysterious figure to reveal her name, Dram and her mission.

The art style is interesting, taking advantage of the comic aesthetical medium in that not every line need be present for something to read correctly and well. Its charming and mysterious, very fitting of the story at hand. It does need some work though, as sometimes the style does conflict with how well objects read.
http://cxm.comicgenesis.com/d/20081208.html
In this comic the solid white figure stands out in a perplexing manner, and not a mysterious one. Its just difficult to interpret what is being represented other than that the figure is covered in shadow (especially since the figure is standing next to a robot we can see very clearly), and since we see the opposite irrationality loops bringing more attention to itself. It is later revealed that the figure is some sort of plasma controlled remotely, but this doesn’t read too well as the figure is mostly a solid shape, lacking stray lines or unnatural jagged edges.
Also the robot in the last panel fails to stand out from the buildings in the background due to a lack of line variation.
http://cxm.comicgenesis.com/d/20081215.html
Take a look at the final panel here. The solid white image in the foreground reads well by itself and so does the figure in the background… by itself. Together though. They look a bit off, not a deal breaker but it breaks flow.
There are some other areas where there can be some improvement. Gray scale comics are fine, perfectly fine but when laid against a grayscale website template, the audience is forced to ask where the color is; Gray lacks the strength of black or white. I suggest adding some color to the site, or perhaps adding a small amount of color somewhere in your comic. I suggest the eyes of Dram as they seem to be important to her character, it’ll make them seem more special.
The text really stands out, its way too big and contrasts with the painted style. At least make it smaller in the future, and perhaps experiment with doing it by hand as well. A final sore point are faces, not because they are done poorly but because they lack the charming painted look of everything else in the comic and end up standing out. These should be painted as well, or something that works more harmoniously with the style.That said I really enjoyed the look of this comic, it’s a rare and tricky style to pull off and is ultimately decent eye candy.

Canix Ex Machina is still young, but its charm will more than satiate your interest. Keep your eye on it.

[Cxm]

I'm surprised at how much feedback you've given, especially since at the moment the comic is less that 30 pages long. I've been a bit uneasy with the text for a while and getting a second opinion on it has made my mind up to change it.

Yeah, the deconstructed comic thing didn't really work with weekly updates. I didn't notice this at the time since I was posting them up in blocks of 6~8. It wasn't until Feburary that this became a wall banger (so at one poit five comics of robots around flying became two, effectively destroying my buffer, but it reads better now).

On the faces, I've kinda been going for an uncanny valley effect on the more mechanical characters. Hopefully the more human characters later on will be more like you mentioned.

Your in depth review has given me a few things to think about and given me a couple of ideas on how to do things. Thanks.

[RobboAKAscooby]

Okay, heres another one. Remember, I'm working off a computer I don't have much time to use as my laptop is busted, so this is not going to be up to the level of past reviews, I'll just have to issue rainchecks for when I can give it my all:

Dude you have my sympathy and patience, looks like my comic's next (assuming you keep going in order), it'll take a while.

And thanks to all the other submitters I now have a bunch of new comics to check out.

[SergeXIII]

Shit Happens

Shit Happens is the tale of a band of chronically displaced friends, loosing their homes via gambling, misfortune, or explosions and hunting for a new one. That’s pretty much it, its day in the life of gag strip. I honestly can’t say I enjoyed the writing of this particular comic. It isn’t bad, it just isn’t particularly entertaining. The jokes aren’t funny, I know that stings but its true, not only did I not laugh at a single joke almost all of them made little to no sense to me in a comedic fashion. Because of this I assume that these jokes are derived from inside material (which is a major no, no) or wasn’t tested on other people. Since this is a gag comic, it deals a major blow to the plot related momentum of the comic. The other factor in this assessment is the cast, and I found disappointment here as well. The cast of Shit Happens are never introduced and are hardly ever alone, and as a result are severely under developed, with only one member having any unique qualities: he’s a quirky inventor (an internet cliché). Its hard to give a shit about the cast or humor of Shit Happens, so this is a definite area for improvement.

If I had to describe the Art of Shit Happens in one word it would be Stiff. The cast have a very small array of poses in their arsenal and will very seldomly switch things up. You’ll usually see people from the shoulders up, facing front, smiling which is quite frankly boring and not always appropriate. For instance check out this panel where a man elbows a shark in the face. Do you see any power behind that hit? Why is he smiling? Relying on one pose is a rookie move and for a year old comic this is no longer acceptable. We see the same perspective, characters almost never move their heads or legs, and anatomy, while usually passable, is not always consistent and has its share of common flaws like tiny hands. A final complaint: the inventor character looks like a girl, and I can not get over it. It isn’t only the long purple hair either (which looks a bit familiar, no doubt contributing to this observation), he has some feminine facial features in comparison with the rest of the cast. While an ugly one, I think he could pass for a woman if you threw some boobs on there. There’s also the lack of line variation. I see myself harping on that to everyone though, so don’t sweat it. On the plus side the coloring of Shit Happens is completely traditional and is pulled off very decently, which is saying something in the days of photoshop.

Unfortunately I cannot make this review a positive one. Shit Happens feels like a “I’m bored, lets make a webcomic affair” in that its cast, world, premise and writing seems to lack serious and devoted thought. I’m sure you could turn this around if you tested out some humor on some other people for feedback and focused on some character development, but as of right now Shit Happens doesn’t have much going for it.

[RobboAKAscooby]

Firstly thank you for a very honest review, that's exactly what I was after.
And I truly appreciate your advice, even if my below responses may sound a little defensive.

Shit Happens

Shit Happens is the tale of a band of chronically displaced friends, loosing their homes via gambling, misfortune, or explosions and hunting for a new one. That’s pretty much it, its day in the life of gag strip. I honestly can’t say I enjoyed the writing of this particular comic. It isn’t bad, it just isn’t particularly entertaining.

This would make a good book quote, not taking the piss here I actually appreciate the description.

The jokes aren’t funny, I know that stings but its true, not only did I not laugh at a single joke almost all of them made little to no sense to me in a comedic fashion. Because of this I assume that these jokes are derived from inside material (which is a major no, no) or wasn’t tested on other people.

Yeah my sense of humour is a little different to some, punchline structure is non-traditional, and definitely groanworthy at times.
Some jokes are in-jokes (yeah a no-no but sometimes too much of a giggle to resist).
I'll also add that I avoid the usual pun/gaming/pop-culture based gags of other webcomics, probably not the smartest move considering potential audience.

Since this is a gag comic, it deals a major blow to the plot related momentum of the comic.

Can't argue here but I do think the flow has improved this year.

The other factor in this assessment is the cast, and I found disappointment here as well. The cast of Shit Happens are never introduced and are hardly ever alone, and as a result are severely under developed, with only one member having any unique qualities: he’s a quirky inventor (an internet cliché). Its hard to give a shit about the cast or humor of Shit Happens, so this is a definite area for improvement.

Strangely I thought I spent the first few chapters introducing the characters and their personality traits, but it's quite possible my own familiarity with the characters makes this more obvious to me.

If I had to describe the Art of Shit Happens in one word it would be Stiff. The cast have a very small array of poses in their arsenal and will very seldomly switch things up. You’ll usually see people from the shoulders up, facing front, smiling which is quite frankly boring and not always appropriate. For instance check out this panel where a man elbows a shark in the face. Do you see any power behind that hit? Why is he smiling? Relying on one pose is a rookie move and for a year old comic this is no longer acceptable. We see the same perspective, characters almost never move their heads or legs, and anatomy, while usually passable, is not always consistent and has its share of common flaws like tiny hands.

Have to agree here too.
Especially for the first year (which was redrawn in 3 months (you DON'T want to see the orignial work)) but again I think this has changed considerably in recent months. I've only used the

shoulders up, facing front, smiling

about six time this year although I have used a 3/4 view variant quite a bit for conversational stuff.
And hands, I have had so much "fun" with hands, pages of hand pose drawings and I still have disastrous hands on a regular basis.

A final complaint: the inventor character looks like a girl, and I can not get over it. It isn’t only the long purple hair either (which looks a bit familiar, no doubt contributing to this observation), he has some feminine facial features in comparison with the rest of the cast. While an ugly one, I think he could pass for a woman if you threw some boobs on there.

I've never heard that before (and cracked up when I read it).
I'd also never heard of godmode before now.

There’s also the lack of line variation. I see myself harping on that to everyone though, so don’t sweat it. On the plus side the coloring of Shit Happens is completely traditional and is pulled off very decently, which is saying something in the days of photoshop.

As Phalanx said about line variation in another thread, worry about getting the base right then you can worry about techniques to flesh it out. I'm still very much a beginner so I'm focusing on getting the basics RIGHT first.
I think my use of traditional colouring is one of the things that will make me style stand out some day.

Unfortunately I cannot make this review a positive one. Shit Happens feels like a “I’m bored, lets make a webcomic affair” in that its cast, world, premise and writing seems to lack serious and devoted thought. I’m sure you could turn this around if you tested out some humor on some other people for feedback and focused on some character development, but as of right now Shit Happens doesn’t have much going for it.

Actually it started out as an aborted short film (long story) but due to my lack of drawing skills early on it had an adverse affect on the crossover to comic (my first time drawing on this level).
I have temptations to restart it with more character development (if I did it would be in an issue based form) but don't want to stop the story now that it's getting to the point of real development and a decent episodic rhythm. Maybe I should re-do and expand the first year as a compromise with myself.


Hopefully my responses get across that I appreciate and understand your observations (and came to some of the same on my own) and have been trying to rectify some of these.
I think the main problem I've had is the lackluster first year, both artwise and writing, all I can do for the time being is to strive towards improving in the now and someday go back to fix the start.

Again I thank you for this review, can I repost it on my sites? I want to keep track of all the reviews/critiques I get and display them (I don't mind showing my flaws).

[Perdire]

*Serge and Scooby said stuff*

An honest review is well received on the internet!? I think you've renewed my faith in humanity.

[RobboAKAscooby]

*Serge and Scooby said stuff*

An honest review is well received on the internet!? I think you've renewed my faith in humanity.

You're assuming I'm human?

[Maker]

You're doing fantastic work, Serge, and I want to be part of it as you've so graciously invited. Well, I guess all I can do is link my comics - http://odaw.comicgenesis.com - and wish you have a good time. Do either one, or both, or none, whatever works for you, whenever. ^_^