Webcomic above

[Ratbert]

Here's how it works. Every post on this thread is just a critique of the comic of the poster above it. This way, not only can people read more comics, but you can also get an opinion of yours by giving your opinion of someone else's.

If you don't have a comic, you probably shouldn't post in this thread unless you want to promote a friends comic or something.

Anyway, this isn't just a shameless plug, because I think it would be a cool idea for this board and I've seen it work on a lot of other boards (some get like...2000 posts).

Also, try to be thorough in your critiques, not just like a sentence or a few words but like a paragraph or so for each one. These people work hard on their comics and it's hard to judge them using only a few words.

So let the scrutinizing begin!

[TheWhiner]

Okay, I'm game. I feel like I've done this before... Oh wait, I have: on Lemon and Lime Light (may it rest in pieces). But now I can actually review your whole comic instead of just the one you sent in.

I think the main thing for you, like I said before, is to practice drawing your characters in different poses. Its obivious that you have an good understanding of layout and design; I've seen your CG pages. Your characters just need some more variety in their poses.

The other thing with your comic is a little on layout. There seems to be a lot of white space. You may want to push the height of your panels to put the text bubbles there so that you can condence its width.

Hmm. The gags are good. I like the current one because I've been there (lacking sleep). What software are you using to put your text bubbles in place? They look kind of pixellated, like they need anti-aliasing.

That psychopath Mathew Leskow, from the TV ads, spouting your title at the top is cute, and scary at the same time. ::remembers commercial and shudders:: I want his suit.

[Spectralsingularity]

Ah, "Noboby Loves the Whiner" well I'm already a regular reader so I've seen the comic since nearly the beginning.

I'll start by noting your site design has changed more then once in the past but I think it looks good now, I wouldn't really change it, just keep cranking out the comics.

All and all the comics just been improving with every comic. Your main character has more detail now then when you started, and I think your layout and backgrounds have also gotten better (blurring the backgrounds has helped bring the characters out to the front more, and the colors are colorful but subtle enough not to be overwhelming). And I also like your shading, it looks good and it shows some extra effort (something which I would never have time to go in and ad).

So those were the compliments, now a few suggestions. Your latest comic does have some problems, I understand you just got a new tablet and you're getting used to it, but the newest comic is sparse and so sketchy that it looks alot more rushed then your past comics. Also I'm anxious to see where your storyline is going, but some of the recent strips been an extension of the same joke (i.e. the bum getting stabbed, and if you don't know what I'm talking about, well go read it). He got stabbed, I laughed, now I wanna know what happens next.

And I have just one thing that bugs my personal sense of aesthetics...all your characters have just two fingers and a thumb, it looks like they're all cloven sometimes. Is that just a stylistic thing, or do hands give you trouble?

Hope I wasn't too harsh, I'll still be reading, and I guess I'm ready for judgement: http://cupofsuffering.keenspace.com

[Twentyfour]

First off I wanna say this is an awesome idea, I've actually been craving to ask someone to review me... it's not like a I have a huge archive or anything(but it's NOT the size that counts). So uh.. whoever has the "pleasure" please be leniant about the fact that I'm behind... I'm workin on that but Life is slowin me down(It's not a hiatus so I'm not a hypocrite!)

Speccy: Dude, I've been meaning to skip on thru your archives one of these days, and now I gotta fun reason to. I laughed I cried, and I laughed some more. Topical humour and great artwork make this comics something I'll be coming back too... now.. nitty gritty time.

The facial expressions are nice and simplistic(like my sister), for some odd reason I'm reminded of "Ned's Newt"(I'm not sure if you'll be familiar with the show, but still). The lack of cut n' paste usage makes me smile, I've gotten kinda sick of people who use that excessively(then again who hasn't?)

The poses are great! More often then not they(combined with facial expression) pretty much tell the story. I find this to be very important in an online comic, I mean hell, if the characters look like they're happy and they're confronting the man who just slaughtered his entire family... well, that's wrong! Unless he's gone nutes, but that's different.

The colour gets better as the comic progresses(going from good to really good) And the lightly faded backgrounds are a nice touch, not too intrusive, they're just.... there(in a good way).

Your consistency with your characters look is enviable. I've found very little changes in the character from panel to panel... I'll just say YAY! for that.

Guess that's enough of the good stuff...

As for the Bad:

Your forward backword buttons were confusing at first(first timers beware). I don't think you should have to figure what the buttons mean to be able to use em.

Sporadic updates means annoyed readers. Try to get a specific schedule maybe *shrug* you now what you can and cannot do better than me

Umm guess that's pretty much it for now.... Guess it's onto me now...

[Twentyfour]

forget the sporadic update thingy.. I was lookin at 2 comics and the other one was BAAAAD for updat schedule...sorry

[ZOMBIE USER 7833]

8 comics behind makes this the worst comic of all time! Haha, just pulling your leg there, it's not like I can talk.

Let me just say that 24

[Dragonsong12]

Well...I dunno that I actually want anybody reviewing my comic...but I suppose we all have to face the music at some point, ne? Plus, I get to do it to someone else! Mwah ha ha ha haaaaa!

ARG!
Well, let me just say that I love it from the start just because in the first comic, your character says "woot!"

WOOT!

Seriously though. When I first started looking I was 'eh' on the art. It didn't strike me that much, but it's kinda got this real subtle appeal to it, I dunno. The poses on your characters are excellent, and considering (in what I've read so far) that your main character doesn't show facial expressions, the poses are more important, and I think it's done well.

I have to admit, I'm really enjoying the humor so far! (Yes! I am reading your comic as I type! ) This is REALLY well written! It kinda catches you off-gaurd, and that's a good thing. At any rate, you're certainly reaching your audience with references to gaming, and anime, and monty python! (geeks of the world unite! Hells yeah, geeks rule )

The color comics that you do (on sundays, I'm guessing?) are a nice touch. They aren't distracting from the rest of the comics, since it's done regularly, and it brings a nice change of pace.

Hmmm...I suppose I should say bad stuff too, though I'll admit I'm really bad at that (which is why I should never review, I suppose).

The only thing that really bothers me is that the artwork doesn't seem to be refined. At times, the images don't really seem like 'finished' work. Mostly, it's the boxes around the panels that are bothering me. The lines are a bit wobbley, not straight. Although, I will admit, this may be something you are doing on purpose for your comic that I don't get. Still, it's kinda distracting to me, though that's just on a personal note...and because I felt like a horrible reviewer for not being able to come up with something you need to fix.

At any rate, I am enjoying this strip, and intend to add it to my list of links on my next update so...WOOT!

[Ratbert]

I hope nobody posted a review while I was typing this one. That'd make me feel silly.

Okay, okay, that's just what happened...I'm going to change this around now...

Firefly Cross looks pretty nice, the art is well done, and the coloring is done well, and I like the effects.. It seems to be storyline driven which makes it a bit harder to grade. But I think the panels are well done and the layout is pretty nice.

The main problem I think is you don't seem to update too often. As good as the strip looks, only updating like once a week isn't going to draw in too many viewers. I can understand, though, if the strip takes a long time to do, (it looks like it does) or if you're just really busy.

Another thing I noticed is the pages take a while to load. Maybe it's just my connection or something, but even comics that size don't take that long to load...

The text and such is nicely done, except I would try just using one font for everything. The weird digital-type font is kind of hard to read and doesn't seem to add much of an effect.

The poses and such are done well, although the characters look kind of familiar, they are still nicely done. The strip has a personality that's hard to miss, and although it's kind of overdone at times, it's definately got it's own style.

Overall, keep developing the storyline, because, although its a bit slow-moving, it's still kind of interesting.

[ZOMBIE USER 9264]

Okay, okay, that's just what happened...

Dude, no its not.

Whiner reviewed you
Spec reviewed Whiner
24 reviewed Spec
Jaster reviewed 24
Dragon reviewed Jaster

Then you did Firefly Cross for some reason.

[ZOMBIE USER 8296]

well Razi, looks like you got sucked into having me say something about NetherOak... even though there isn't much to say... only thing I can say you might want to consider changing is the title bar on each comic, maybe scrunching it down to one line so it takes up a bit less space, and maybe putting navigational buttons under the comic in the archives also, so you don't have to scroll back up to the top to get to the next comic after scrolling down to read the current one.

yeah, that's about it...

[ZOMBIE USER 9264]

I find your review a little short and not very helpful. YOu must not have read much of my still brief comic.

The archive buttons at the bottoms of comics have been around since #25. I will not add them to archives because I am reworking the site soon. Why double my workload?
The titlebar has been reduced since #22. I cannot change it since it is part of the Jpeg.

Now about this T.N.B. Comic:

Your pencils are nicely done. Your haracters have a good 3rd dimension too them but don't seem too animated when they move or very emotional when they, um, 'emotion'.
More detailed backgrounds would be nice but at least you have some backgrounds to speak of.
Your words could also use some word bubbles. Also your text font is a bit unappealing to the eye.
You seem to cram alot of dialogue, most of it unnecessary, into a single panel. This, plus frequent scene jump-cuts and bizarre writing make the story hard to follow. I know you aren't going for much of one but it'd be nice to have something to go on. I can't tell much about what happening.
The colour sound and light effects with B/W pictures is a bit distracting.
Your cast page is a little unorganized and dosen't load properly a great deal of the time. Text overlaps and images don't appear.
The layout of your strips could also use some boundries. Sometimes they're top to bottom, others left to right, some large, some small. You need a standard for that.
You also don't do much for character development. In your short comic history you have accumulated 17 characters.

You've got good ideas, they just need better execution.

Please don't think of this as revenge or anything if I sound harsh. I just wanted to make mention of your review but didn't want to post without reviewing the work before mine. Y'know what I mean.

PLUR
-Razi

[DunnBoyz]

OK, Razi's comic overall gets a B. Pros and cons:

PROS:
~ All in all, above average art for a KeenSpace comic.
~ Good, steady flow
~ Overall its entertaining and succeeds

CONS:
~ I am really anti-cussing. In real life I cuss as a sailor but I don't think its necessary to do a good job
~ Art could be better

[ZOMBIE USER 10963]

Dunn Boyz? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!?!?

Just kidding, I'll get to the actual review now. And I remember a post a whie ago where you explained what "Dunn Boyz" means, so no need to explain it again.

Now I don't know if it's just me, but the comic always comes up fuzzy, but nevertheless, it's always funny. I like the gags/jokes that you do, although at times it seems hard (to me, anyway) to follow the panels when you make panels that go everywhere because of a huge drawing of somebody, like the one with the anime and the computer. I hope you know which one I'm talking about. It took a while to realize what soda he was talking about when he said "you spilled soda on me" or something (sorry, not looking at that one right now).

The layout: Very simple, no flashy things, which is good. The messages under the comics = easy to find/read.

I like your art, it's awesome! Like I said, if the pics come up fuzzy for everyone and not just me, that'll definitely hurt you as far as getting new people to read your comic. The lighting for the comic is good, which is good especially that your comic is in all color. The perspective will sometimes hurt the way you draw your characters, but not enough to be a huge problem. Sizes will also occasionally be different in panels, not concise.

Overall, I like your comic. Good stuff. B.

And sorry if you hate this review, or you find it too short (like Razi did his review by chigger), I did the best I could...

[MixedMyth]

Hmm. What a creative idea! Alright, then..

Paragon Fishing
It definitely has potential. The gags are good and consistent. The composition of the pannels is good, and the word balloons are well laid out and readable. A feat I havn't yet managed. It's a good gag-a-day comic with lots of randomness. I noticed a lot of experimenting with fonts and such earlier, and then shading and backgounds, which I like. It's always good to progress- a comic doesn't have to be stagnant.

The bits that could be improved- perhaps more direction? That's really more of a suggestion and a personal preference. Hmm...other than that, there's a lot of guy-girl jokes, which are amusing, but it's a bit one sided. I mean, all the women are just kinda there to be mocked or the pivot of a joke. Of course, so is the main character, so what can I say?

Well, I don't know how much of that made sense or if anyone'll agree, and maybe I'm talking BS. But that's my take.

[Ratbert]

Okay, okay, that's just what happened...

Dude, no its not.

Whiner reviewed you
Spec reviewed Whiner
24 reviewed Spec
Jaster reviewed 24
Dragon reviewed Jaster

Then you did Firefly Cross for some reason.

No, I was reviewing Jaster's comic but it was pretty long so when I posted it, it turned out someone else had beat me to it while I was typing it, so I edited it and changed it around.

Paragon Fishing - The art is simple but neat and overall pretty well done. Your characters look a little awkward sometimes, though.

I guess it just seems a little too typical of a webcomic, if you wanted criticism. The characters are all kind of stereotypical and a lot of times have little personality. That's okay, but not when the art is really simple like it is, because then it gets kind of dull. And...I can't even tell the gender of one of your characters.

The shading and such is very nicely done, although your lines aren't always straight it's still professional looking as far as professional comics look. The text also looks neat and clean.

As far as substance, I think it's a little too typical and sometimes boring. Sometimes the jokes are nice, and they're usually very simple and nicely presented, and sometimes kind of clever, but sometimes it's kind of hard to get into. I guess it's only because a lot of webcomics are like that and you probably should try to make it a little more unique.

That's just my opinion, though...


EDIT: I reviewed Mixed Myth on the next page. People seem to like to post right when I'm in the middle of it. Oh well...

[Ratbert]

And...son of a bitch! It happened once again. But I'll leave it there so you all can see. Anwyay, I like reviewing comics, so there you so.

Mixed Myth -

I saw this comic once before and I thought it was kind of cute. The shading is nicely done, the comic has a lot of personality and is pretty quirky at times. The artwork is definetely above average and it's usually quite unique.

The fonts you used are nice, I like the lettering and such. It doesn't get in the way of anything. The layout and design are also pretty good.

I guess you are working on a storyline, which is good for that sort of comic because it's very nicely done and easy to get into. The storyline isn't very complicated, so far it looks pretty good.

Overall, I like your comic, I think the characters are pretty unique although lacking a little personality (at least as far as I could tell), of course that's because it's still kind of a more generic webcomic type (along with the typical loser type comics), but still, those kinds are always popular so it's nice to see one that's good at it. So keep up the good work!

[Hardware]

Please forgive me if I misunderstand the purpose of this topic, but in order to preserve what I saw as the original purpose, I'm going to go over Ratbert's head and review Mixed Myth. I'm also hoping someone who hasn't posted in this topic yet will review me. We'll see how it goes.

Having said that:
Mixed Myth

Overall Impression: I was actually surprised when I started to read this comic. Just looking at the art style, I had figured it for a singularly dramatic (if you're me read 'boring') comic. I really have never been able to get into those, I don't know if I'm alone in this - but this comic was actually funny as well. +10

Art: The art of this comic is clean and consistent. I didn't even mind that it wasn't color. The characters are usually easily to tell apart, and what action I've seen was easy to understand. +8

Story: I usually start reading comics from the current day backwards. Even doing this, I have been able to follow what was going on. There is linearity, but just about every comic manages to get in some kind of joke. I like that. +8

Characters: They're interesting and interact well. I'm sure I have more to discover on this front. +6

Text: This was the first thing that I noticed that could be construed as a negative. The text is very easy to read about 85% of the time (it can blend into the background a little, and a few places it seems shoehorned in) but doesn't look as professional as the rest of the comic. It's a bit pixilated, and is obviously added on afterwards. -5

Site Design: Functionally it's fine. However, I had trouble reading the title graphic, and the foreground images and the background don't quite match or blend. The site isn't as balanced/uniform as it could be. I also had a problem with the arrow buttons corrupting a little on me. (Given the choice between a better site or more comics though, I'll always go with more comics. ) -4

Site extras: Cast gallery, no profiles, but it's there. +1
Site extras: The store, good variety, cafepress of course. +1
Site extras: Art, kind of unrelated to the comic, but of interest. +1
Site extras: Links, good to have. +1
Site extras: Dropdowns/Rings, shows involvement. +1

Number of comics: 251. I haven't read all of them yet, but I intend to. +9

Cool thing: The force of "Cynamatiks." +5

Final score: 42, above average.

[TheWhiner]

Weeheeehe, I want more reviewing on my comic. I also wanted to respond to Spectral. I draw two fingers and a thumb on my characters for no reason in particular, they just happened to end up like that when I was frantically drawing the first strip. I like it because it flies in the face of every comic out there - its different. I can draws hands alright, check out the on Tainted Thoughts.

Anyways, a review of Anthropromorphic Hardware!

I like the idea, sentient computer parts, its original. The only problem is that there is not very much room for expansion. You can add new parts (scanner, keyboard, digital camera) but after a while you run out of room. Also, it looks like you have the same three panels with Skippy popping in now and then, being the only active element.

I would suggest giving more movement to your characters, allow them to contort an move around a bit - maybe go so far as to add faces (albeit faint faces) to them.

Might I also suggest some variance in the humor. It seems like the jokes either revolve around the fourth wall or how you have a lack of readers. The last one scares readers away, because nobody loves a comic that is down on itself constantly. Have the moniters surf the web and make fun of websites out there or else bash on the computer hardware inside of the computer tower.

I love Skippy, he's scary at the same time as funny. Its frightening to think of having a power tool roving around near my computer...

Not to sound overly critical, but I just think that you have a great idea going. You just need to take it to the max!

[Scrubbo]

Review of "The Whiner"

Note : 20 or so comics is not really enough to do a good review on..... but I'll try.

You've got a good art style going for yourself. It's kinda catchy, with good colors and some nice digital effects. (Shading and blurring.) Your characters stand out nicely and are easily identifiable. Definately good stuff. (And the 2 fingers and thumb doesn't bother me. Heh.)

For improvement in the art area, I'd recommend doing more perspective shots. You show that you understand the theory of perspective when you do them, but your execution suffers from the "excessively shallow perspective" syndrome. I.E. your perspectives all look like the far away stuff is closer because the convergance lines don't quite mesh exactly right.

Also, your last 2 strips got all... sketchy. If you're gonna go that way, you may want to simplify your character designs a bit. The smoother stuff you were doing before worked much better with your fairly complicated character designs. I liked the look of it better that way. (I'm not a fan of the "sketchy" look usually.)

Writing wise, I can always see the funny you're aiming at, but it never really hits the target with me. I'm not entirely sure why that is, but I think it's a matter of timing. Take the last strip for instance... there was no pause between him mentioning him being shot and us seeing the holes clean through his body. I'd already SEEN them before I read about them, so there was no "surprise" really when I read the punchline. If he'd said something about being shot, and main character had said "Oh my god! What did the doctors say?" or something like that and then he said "I dunno, I haven't seen one. D'ya think I should?" while showing us the bullet holes, it would have brought more humor to the blase' attitude he showed to being shot. (Yes, I know the above writing stinks, but I'm talking timing not delivery, and I don't want to rewrite the whole thing after thinking of a good setup and delivery.)

Also, the comedic value of the father is good. I like his character. The classic father/son conflict is always good for some humorous situations.

Updating : Your updating seems.... spotty. I'm not sure what your schedule is supposed to be. 2 days a week? You should try and be as regular and consistant as possible with updating schedules.

Overall : Average comic with a LOT of potiential. It could become golden!

[ZOMBIE USER 10963]

(This isn't a review, nor do I want PF reviewed right now. I just think I have a good idea for this post.

So there are no more mix-ups about the reviews, no doubles for anyone. No mess ups, in other words. Before you post your review, you post a SMALL post that says something like "I'll review this one," so anybody that checks it can see that someone else is in line. Then when you're done with the review, edit the post with it. Maybe a good idea?

Now someone go up and review Silly Cone V. I'm way too tired to review anything tonight.)