Thanks for the review Robot, pretty good for a first review.
Just a few comments/questions:
robotthepirate wrote:
Starting out reviewing Flying Tigers by Rob O'Brien, not Harli Dust as the banner might imply. I don't know if anyone's ever made this mistake for real, but I already knew our Scooby wrote it.
Before I started to read through I thought “How long is this?” so I looked for an archive section, and while I like the “...Diary”, “...Yearbook”, “Photo Album”, “...Hangouts” menu it's a little confusing. Putting what they really are in brackets would help, but it's up to you if you think it would spoil the mood. I'll stop reviewing the website rather than the comic now.
Yeah the overall feel I'm going for is that this is Harli's site/story and I'm just the artist (and when I publish the novel someday I might do it in her name).
So I'll probably leave things as are but I might rename the archive as people could mistake it for a blog and ignore it.
robotthepirate wrote:
First page. The font. I'm dyslexic so “T”s that look like “4”s aren't great, I don't know if that would actually stop anyone else who's dyslexic from continuing on with the comic (especially when they realise its just for the diary/internal monologue) but it might take a little from the enjoyment factor.
I'm actually looking for a better "girly handwriting" font as I have issues with the Ts as well.
robotthepirate wrote:Last thought on this page, “I hope they don't wear those trousers often” because they're really crotch-centric.
*snort* HaHa! Don't worry I'm changed/improved my pant drawing a bit since then.
robotthepirate wrote:
The attempted rape scene. I read this bit when you first started the comic, and honestly that's why I haven't read any more until now. Whatever message you're trying to put across in this bit it's uncomfortable and not handled well. Five seconds later she's fine again, worrying instead about her friend and thankful her food is fine. So is this a regular thing that people have become desensitised to it? Unless you're planning on making a big deal out of this, you're risking belittling it and there are support groups that would happily pummel you for that. I'll read on...
That intro is gonna be the death of me...*sigh*...I know it doesn't fit right and may have to change it someday but for now I'm gonna stick to McD's "steamroller philosophy" and keep moving.
robotthepirate wrote:
Story wise you're still introducing Harli and her friends so I find it hard to judge what this comic is about. From the title, 'Ric's comments, the picture in the banner and Doc's house, and Harli and 'Ric's apparent martial arts skills it's surmisable that the Flying Tigers are a martial arts group so presumably the comic is about them. All we (the readers) can really do at the moment is presume things, which is fine as long we're not doing that for too much longer.
Yeah this intro is taking far longer than I wanted but I think it's a little better than the rush-jobs I did of earlier comic intros.
Thankfully the story has entered the first arc now so stuff will be happening, I tried to catch up for the W.A.Y. but time got away from me (I suck at finding time).
But yeah the basic background to the story is two rival martial arts groups - Flying Tigers Dojo and Cobra Fighting Arts (BTW stole Cobra from the Cobra Kai in Karate Kid) - and the rest of the story will play off/against that.
robotthepirate wrote:Art wise I much prefer FT to SH so you're growing. I'm not the best to review your art but I always feel you need to “loosen up (man)” and add some fluidity to your poses. Have you tried the exercise where you draw someone around you (while waiting for a bus or at a café or something) in just a minute or two, you don't have time to get any details down so all you can aim for is an expression of their movement and form. Actually, comparing you early fight stuff to the boat fight scene (which the forward navigation seems to skip, you should look into that) you've improved a lot with that. Other than that I'm impressed with your colouring and shading they have an appealing organic feel. The difference between the tall and short people is massive, that's not entirely unusual, especially for school age, but it feels a little odd.
Yeah I'm rather stiff with my drawing - my hands are pretty wrecked from my own martial arts day (I broke a few knuckles and let them set naturally rather than seeing a doctor) so I have some difficulty there.
But thanks for the comment about the current fight scene's improvement, I'm trying to loosen up and finding action scenes a bit easier. (what pages is the navigation skipping exactly?)
For perspective Harli is 5'4", Nolan is 6'6" but my style does exaggerate the difference unintentionally. Not to mention my poor anatomy which I'm sure others will touch upon in later reviews.
robotthepirate wrote:
There's a fair bit in the wave café that's quite obviously C&Ved (and others, this was just the first I noticed), I know it can be boring to draw people sitting talking in pretty much the same pose again and again but you can always flip to another point of view to keep this interesting. You don't get away with it though, it is obvious, and if I bought it in a book I'd feel cheated.
Lazy time-saving effort - no excuse really.
robotthepirate wrote:So my thoughts. It's moving slowly. You're still introducing, which is cool, but 60 odd pages in I feel while lots has happened that nothing at all has happened, at the same time. It's not so much a bad thing. Taking your time and setting the scene with lots of minor occasions can give us a nice background to your characters.
My focus for the intro was to try and establish Harli's personality and main relationships - her girlfriend Storm, her best friend Nol - as they're very important to what is coming in the future.
Final words:
That damn intro, I will have to do something eventually - maybe just chop it and use the fight on the ferry as their intro.
As with all good reviews you've given me plenty to think about, thanks dude.
