Deep Blue Sea...

Postby MikeLeffel on Mon Dec 17, 2001 10:27 am

Submitted for Bikeeni2001, never uploaded!<P> <IMG SRC="http://fatjesus.keenspace.com/images/owliesummer2001.jpg"> <P>Mike "I recall seeing commercials for that film, abhoring it's 'JAWS' ripping-off nature, and it's general craptittletudinal emissions" Leffel<P>------------------
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Postby TheGreatElBobo on Mon Dec 17, 2001 12:06 pm

...is one of the gayest movies I've ever seen.
My mom rented it the other day at Blockbuster to give me something to watch, and I'd never seen it before. So I was like "Well all right. Might as well.". About halfway through it, I found myself fast forwarding to the end. It was so boring and the sharks were horribly done. Like when Jackson gets eaten, it was like this horrendously fake shark jumping up and he was getting smacked into the ground BUT IT WASN'T EVEN A RENDITION OF HIM. It was a terribly done CG scene and I never want to see this movie again. But my feelings toward it are best summed up in this review I found on IMDB:<P>
wise_guy
Sheffield, England<P>Date: 29 October 2001
Summary: I have seen some bad films over the years....<P>....but few have irritated me as much as this one. I don't even want to think how much money was spent on it.<P>Since I wasted a part of my life watching this pathetic mess of a film, it's only fair that I make up for it by pointing out its flaws(this should be very therapeutic).<P>********THERE ARE SPOILERS INCLUDED IN THIS REVIEW********************<P>Why when the helicopter crashed into the lab did the explosions go on for around 5 minutes??? Were they carrying nitroglycerine? I thought an H-bomb had been dropped on the site when I saw that mushroom cloud. Isn't there room for just a little bit of reality?<P>"It's summer entertainment, sit back and enjoy", they say<P>Sorry guys, this film can't have it both ways. It tries to throw up an interesting moral dilemma with the Alzheimer's cure, then proceeds to do everything with complete disregard for the laws of science and basic intelligence.<P>Why should LL Cool J throwing a match into a flooded kitchen(with water I presumed), set off an explosion large enough to level a small island??<P>As for the graphics, I have come up with more realistic looking things using Paintbrush. Unlike in Jaws where you see in graphic detail Quint being savaged, here they make the attacks as quick as possible when they can get away with it. Both sea, shark and victim instantly transform into badly realised cartoon animations during the 0.5 seconds the attack takes place. We are supposed to think "Wow, what fast sharks!!" Instead we think "Which program did they use to come up with that? I think I'll stay away from it"<P>I can imagine the programmer explaining how he got the attacks looking so "realistic":<P>Programmer: Well you click on this grey shark-like thing using the mouse<P>Renny: O.K<P>Programmer: With your finger still pressed down, move it back and forth really, really, really quickly<P>Renny: Neat!<P>Programmer: Now move the cartoon figure behind the shark-like figure, so it looks like its been eaten..<P>Renny: Incredible!!! How did you come up with that??!!<P>Programmer: Practice..... Now click on the paintbrush and click on red. Renny: For blood?<P>Programmer: (after long pause) Yes.<P>Renny: Thanks guys! Here's 25 million dollars, you earned it!<P>Samuel L.Jackson's death was funny, but predictable. Also Superman was in this film. That was the name I decided to give Mr obvious hero as soon as I saw him holding a shark back with the harpoon he fired(any normal human would be dragged into the water). Near the end when he somersaulted underwater over the attacking shark to grab onto its fin and hitch a ride(as he did earlier without breaking a sweat) - my brain had already shut down. Belief had been suspended to the point that I would have accepted him running across the water and physically strangling the sharks to death.<P>In my opinion everyone died in this film. LL Cool J was dragged savagely by the shark for ages before escaping(a few bandages should see to that..) HE SHOULD BE IN PIECES!!!! Superman takes a harpoon to the leg with no apparent effect. He's even able to make a few jokes afterwards(you hit me!!!! Ho Ho Ho) Well forgive me for not sharing in this brilliant moment of humour but your leg should be floating in the ocean and you should be bleeding to death.<P>I suppose if the scientist(Saffron Burrows) can rip that thick cable from the wall, she can survive being electrocuted just by standing on a WET_SUIT(and a damp one at that). At least some sense of consistency(??)<P>Now for the super-smart sharks. If you made my brain five times larger I would not gain an instant understanding of quantum physics. I would still have to learn it(though I could probably do it faster).<P>Why these sharks have such great knowledge of battle tactics(?), cameras(?!) and cooking(Roast LL Cool J anyone?) is not explained. I did laugh when I imagined the sharks gathering round to discuss what their next move would be when they weren't in the picture. <P>Shark 1:Right, so you pretend to be under anaesthetic, throw the guy through the window, disable the cameras, corner them - and that's dinner for three Shark 2:The logistics of such a plan are debatable. If the window was designed to withstand such high pressure at that depth and large creature inevitably bumping into it - what makes you think that throwing the injured guy into it will break it?<P>Shark 3: Which part of "dinner for three" didn't you understand?<P>I think even if they had made the brains of the sharks five times smaller they would have made easy work of this group of half wits. By the way, an oven door is harder to break than a steel gate or the hull of a boat. Wouldn't want any sharks trying to get at our nice new pie now, would we?<P>The film is filled with so many inconsistencies my brain collapsed under the weight of it all. Don't get me wrong, I like mindless entertainment - I do not like to be insulted. <P>
THE END!
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Postby El SillY on Thu Dec 20, 2001 2:42 am

I have not seen this movie and I now pray to everyone I meet that I won't have to... wish there was a paranoid psychotic "AAAAAH!" smily...<P>------------------
If I shot you and your dead body falls on me and breaks my neck, have I committed suicide?<p>[This message has been edited by El SillY (edited 12-20-2001).]
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Postby TheGreatElBobo on Thu Dec 20, 2001 7:13 am

I enjoy calling things gay, if not for the satisfaction of knowing people are out there getting mad.
And Mike's picture is totally Jew!<P>
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Postby TheangryQ on Thu Dec 20, 2001 8:24 am

[Somewhere, deep inside a Hollywood Bunker.]<P><B>Homosexual 1</B>: Damn it, we haven't annoyed Elbobo in a whole twenty minutes. What are we going to do?<P><B>Homosexual 2</B>: Fear not, my dear; I have a plan?<P><B>Homosexual 1</B> What is it?<P><B>Homosexual 2</B>: We make a really crappy movie about superintelligent sharks eating rappers!<P><B>omosexual 1</B>: That's so crazy it just might work!<P><B>both</B>: BWA-HA-HA-HA!<P>--theangry "enjoying this nifty jaz remix of the Guardia forest theme from Chrono Trigger WAY too much" Q
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Postby MikeLeffel on Thu Dec 20, 2001 10:05 am

Ah, now I understand the 'apology'...<P>
And madam, I'm assuming you know of <A HREF="http://remix.overclocked.org?" TARGET=_blank>http://remix.overclocked.org?</A>
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Postby TheGreatElBobo on Thu Dec 20, 2001 10:08 am

Nooo...The apology was when I woke up and had this REALLY weird feeling. It may or may not have been a small nervous breakdown. Also, check your email for a special present!
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Postby Dezro on Thu Dec 20, 2001 11:16 am

According to this random book I just picked up from off the floor, your weird feeling is caused by: David Bowie.
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Postby TheGreatElBobo on Thu Dec 20, 2001 11:48 am

I'm glad I'm a nutcase.
Actually, two biggest reasons I freaked out: Loneliness and self-hatred. Thaaaaaat's about it.
I'm also glad this board isn't as popular as others. Because it's like...All the people I enjoy posting to at the FJ and HH board come here, with less posts from people I don't know. Even though nobody ever comes here. Also, it's funny whenever Mike and Bob email me and we have a sort of back-and-forth bantering and then they leave and I sit in my Inbox folder and think "I wonder where they are?" because I am lonely and sad.
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Postby TheangryQ on Fri Dec 21, 2001 8:45 am

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MikeLeffel:
<B>And madam, I'm assuming you know of <A HREF="http://remix.overclocked.org?" TARGET=_blank>http://remix.overclocked.org?</A>
</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I've just discovered it and have fallen madly in love.<P>The "Venus Signed Banana ReMix" from Earthbound is hilarious.
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Postby TheGreatElBobo on Fri Dec 21, 2001 11:46 am

I always liked the OSTs from Earthbound. They are great. Well...The ones where the chick sings that is...And that one guy too.
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Postby MikeLeffel on Sun Dec 23, 2001 1:56 am

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by TheGreatElBobo:
<B>I'm glad I'm a nutcase.
Actually, two biggest reasons I freaked out: Loneliness and self-hatred. Thaaaaaat's about it.
I'm also glad this board isn't as popular as others. Because it's like...All the people I enjoy posting to at the FJ and HH board come here, with less posts from people I don't know. Even though nobody ever comes here. Also, it's funny whenever Mike and Bob email me and we have a sort of back-and-forth bantering and then they leave and I sit in my Inbox folder and think "I wonder where they are?" because I am lonely and sad.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I'm either comatose, or screaming at myself trying to draw instead of surfing the web, or just weeping in the dark with all my glorious sad songs playing repeatedly, as I wonder why, why, why I cannot have her, and plot out glorious plans to circumvent the authority of the evil universe and take what is rightfully mine using robots and space energies I cannot comprehend. <P>Then I eat more pudding!<P>------------------
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Postby MikeLeffel on Sun Dec 23, 2001 1:56 am

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by TheGreatElBobo:
<B>I'm glad I'm a nutcase.
Actually, two biggest reasons I freaked out: Loneliness and self-hatred. Thaaaaaat's about it.
I'm also glad this board isn't as popular as others. Because it's like...All the people I enjoy posting to at the FJ and HH board come here, with less posts from people I don't know. Even though nobody ever comes here. Also, it's funny whenever Mike and Bob email me and we have a sort of back-and-forth bantering and then they leave and I sit in my Inbox folder and think "I wonder where they are?" because I am lonely and sad.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I'm either comatose, or screaming at myself trying to draw instead of surfing the web, or just weeping in the dark with all my glorious sad songs playing repeatedly, as I wonder why, why, why I cannot have her, and plot out glorious plans to circumvent the authority of the evil universe and take what is rightfully mine using robots and space energies I cannot comprehend. <P>Then I eat more pudding!<P>------------------
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Postby MikeLeffel on Sun Dec 23, 2001 2:00 am

I am incredibly fond of most things involving 'Vampire Killer' (Castlevania series), Megaman themes (cutman, magnetman,) Tetris, and a great deal more of others!<P>I have a couple Kid Icarus ones and by george I need to find some wild mp3 maker and get them to do a groovy theme song with their wacky $4000.00 space keyboards.<P>Mike "Because I chopped off Bob Scott's hands!" Leffel
--He said he was tired of listening to me whine about my problems, so I cut off his hands thinking that some kind of alien virus that makes people not like listening to me whine had become attached to his palms and was seeping into his brain! They called me a lunatic! I bet they've got the alien virus too! CHOPPY DOO DOO!<P>------------------
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Postby Dezro on Sun Dec 23, 2001 3:18 am

On RPGamers.net they have all sorts of soundtracks from a lot of games. The coolest thing they have, though, is a bunch of official* Capcom remixes of Megaman tunes. I was only able to get the Crashman one, though. But Crashman's theme is pretty damn cool.<P><font size=1>*I'm only guessing that they're official because it sounds similar to the music in Megaman Power Battles, but with more funk.</font><p>[This message has been edited by Dezro (edited 12-23-2001).]
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Postby TheGreatElBobo on Tue Dec 25, 2001 12:40 pm

I like Wily's "Having Sex With Children" anthem.
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Postby DreamSerpent on Tue Jan 08, 2002 8:36 am

i dunno elbobo<P>you may be lonely because your conversations with mike, etc., through email end...<P>but i myself am worse of, for i can only try to elicit responses from leffel on message boards, and that can take weeks.<P>so what must be learned is an ounce of patience and to live with yourself in that given time :P<P>also don't be afraid to send mike links to porn sites in order to force him to continue email banter.<P>~Chris "why doesn't mike ever banter me in email?" Howe
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Postby TheGreatElBobo on Wed Jan 09, 2002 7:11 am

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by DreamSerpent:
<B>i dunno elbobo<P>you may be lonely because your conversations with mike, etc., through email end...<P>but i myself am worse of, for i can only try to elicit responses from leffel on message boards, and that can take weeks.<P>so what must be learned is an ounce of patience and to live with yourself in that given time :P<P>also don't be afraid to send mike links to porn sites in order to force him to continue email banter.<P>~Chris "why doesn't mike ever banter me in email?" Howe</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>
Actually, both Mike AND Bob have disappeared. So things can only be stranger.<P>....Hug?
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Postby DreamSerpent on Wed Jan 09, 2002 8:52 am

yeah im a bit scared by it all...<P>you mean mike isn't even posting in every keen-forum known to man anymore?<P>yikes now that got me worried too.<P>yeah: hug...
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Postby MikeLeffel2 on Mon Feb 18, 2002 5:40 am

What the HELL are you two blabbering on about?!

Rent a room and crack a window, why don'tcha!

I've got walnuts to harvest, darn it!
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