hmm...nobody seriously answered your question. Was the question written in jest or for real? Anyway, I found your site from checking out my stats. yesterday 17 people came from your site to mine, so I came to see if you linked to me or something. I didnt see anything...anyway, I checked out your rants, then saw your depressing writings. You are young so, some of it will change. I dont know you or your history, but if you are serious about wanting to kill yourself, you should tell your therapist/psychiatrist. If you are too afriad to open up to your therapist, find one that you can open up to. Suicidal thoughts can come from some prescription drugs (such as anti depressants which you said you were taking.)
When I was younger, I thought things were much worse than they were. Again, I dont know your situation, but I have been through, and have had friends who had gone through rough times, and I can say this much. Things will change. Suicide is not the answer. Someday you will look back and wonder how you could of even considered the option.
I dont know if what you write is serious, or some attempt at attention, which is also normal, but I hope things are not that bad for you. If I could go back in time and give myself any advice for my roughest times, it would have been to find solace in my art, writing, or study towards improving my life. A few years of sacrifice now can mean all the difference in changing your life in the future. Thoughts of depression are only thoughts, no more real than any other thoughts, which are usually a reaction to what surrounds us. No matter what is happening in your life now, it doesn't have to be the life you live later. You write the book of your life, nobody else. Actions, what you do with your time are far more important than how you feel at any given moment. Sadness, Loneliness, as well as happiness are only temporary feelings. To kill yourself over some temporary pain is not giving your future a chance. Nobody is always happy, and when we are younger, things are particularly hard, due to physiological and psychological changes in our brains. <P> I know it's hard to see things beyond the 'right now.' Everything might seem like it will never change. It's very hard for people to see beyond their present circumstances and surroundings. We are more than the sum of those things though. We are changeable and full of possibilties. Things change a lot over the years. Try what I had mentioned before as an exercise. Imagine going back in time 5 years. What advice would you give the person that you were to make things easier? Surely there would be something you could say to help yourself. Now try and imagine yourself in 5 or maybe even 10 years from now, going back to the present day. What advice would you give yourself? Imagine that everything you wanted to happen did. How did you get there? What steps did you take? Imagine what it will take, and work on it. Lastly, one other piece of advice, since you did ask for help. Do not look for someone else to solve your problems. By which I mean, do not get into a relationship, thinking that it will help you. You should avoid relationships until you are in a better place within yourself. Until you are stronger. Too many girls with low self esteem or suicidal thoughts get caught up with the wrong guys. Guys who prey on them, abuse them, treat them like crap, and get them pregnant, and the cycle just continues. So just concentrate on yourself, find some things you are into, (obviously you like art) and don't give up. You have a whole lot of time ahead of you in which to make a change.<P> Well, I have to go now. I hope this makes some sense. I am assuming that your post was serious. You should really talk to your therapist about these feelings, or another family member you can trust. Also, if your therapist was quick to prescribe you with drugs, maybe you should find someone who relies less on medicine to fix a problem that is not physiological. (unless it is...I dont know)<P> Hope I helped somewhat.<P>~dave <P>------------------
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