A Series of Saucy Limericks

[Mad Irishman]

The Lim'rick packs laughs anatomical
Into Space that is quite Economical,
But the good ones I've Seen,
So Seldom are Clean,
And The Clean ones are seldom so Comical...
_______________________________________

That's right. I'm starting a post for Limericks, Jokes and riddes.
They must all be attributed to sex somehow,
And try to avoid ones that are blatently gross or crude

???

(What am I saying. How many would that rule leave out...)
Go on. Be crude if you must.

I'm probly the only one who'll use this post, but Here goes anyhow. I'll try to post as often as possible..
_______________________________________

I wooed a Stewed nude in Bermuda.
I was lewd, but my God! She was lewder.
She said it was crude,
To be wooed in the nude -
I persued her, subdued her and Screwed her!

[Mad Irishman]

There was a young lady of wantage
Of whome the town clerk took advantage.
Said the County Surveyor,
'Of Course you must pay her,
You've altered the line of her frontage.'
__________________________________

(He he he).
Yes, I know their not terribly funny,
That's because they're pretty old.

[Mad Irishman]

There was a young lady named smith
Whose virtue was largley a myth.
She said "Try as I can,
I just cant find a man,
Who it's fun to be virtuous with.'

___________________________

If you don't like my limericks then add one of your own.

Please...

Most of my stuff is like this you know....

Help?

[Mad Irishman]

A young man, quite free with his dong,
Said the thing could be had for a song.
Such response did he get
That he rented the Met,
And held auditions all the day long.

(I Wish)

[Jackalope]

Here, an entire site devoted to bawdy and filthy songs:
http://immortalia.com/
Including the earliest known uncensored dirty songbook published in the US. Also includes a collection of mp3s that I haven't had enough time to download yet...

A selection from Immortalia:

The Sexual Life of the Camel

Oh, the sexual life of the camel
Is stranger than anyone thinks.
In moments of amorous passion,
He frequently buggers the Sphinx.

But the Sphinx's posterior passage
Is clogged with the sands of the Nile,
Which accounts for the hump on the camel,
And the Sphinx's inscrutable smile.

[Mad Irishman]

Cool. Finally another response...

I will definitely check out that site, but heres the next Limerick.

(Note, I am writing these in the order I read them, depending on how funny they are. I'm getting them out of old books and comics published
back in the 1960's and 70's - most no longer in print.)
_______________________________________

There was a bluestocking from Florence
Wrote anti-sex pamphlets in torrents,
Till a Spanish grandee
Got her off with his knee,
And she burned all her works with abhorence.

[Mad Irishman]

OK Gents and Gentiles,
A Double Whammy this time:

There was once a young man from Bengal,
Who swore he had only one ball,
Until two little bitches,
Unbuttoned his britches,
And found he had no balls at all.
______________________

There was a young man from the coast,
Who had an affair with a ghost.
At the hight of orgasm,
Said the pallid phantasm,
"I Think I can feel it - almost!"
____________________________

*Bows to the applause*
"Thankyou one and all. It was a hard job, and I enjoyed it!
Now where'd I leave my keys" - Seinfield.

[Cow_2001]

Let it go, man, let it go...

[HeadlessCow]

No...no...more!!

I'd contribute...but all my sources of dirty limericks are at home while I'm at college

I can suggest some good books though

Limericks by Asimov and John Ciardi
Lecherous Limericks by Asimov
More Lecherous Limericks by Asimov
Still More Lecherous Limericks by Asimov
Dirty Limericks by Asimov and Ciardi

[Cow_2001]

Limericks by Asimov and John Ciardi
Lecherous Limericks by Asimov
More Lecherous Limericks by Asimov
Still More Lecherous Limericks by Asimov
Dirty Limericks by Asimov and Ciardi

Asimov wrote such things?!
In the name of the mutant robot! I would have never suspect..

i wonder if he could have been a GGC fan himself...

[Inky]

There's an Irishman of mental discord
who's avatar used on this board
looks equestrian in theme
performing an orgasmic scream
(I think it's context is best unexplored)

[Mad Irishman]

Thanks for the Poem YB, I think I'll use that in my signiture. The Avatar was made from a picture I liked. I'm keen on tranformation pics (You know - People turning into animals or becoming deformed.) There are a number of other sites I apreciate too, including a number of softcore sites (All of them hentai or artwork).

Anyway, heres another of my pathetic limericks:

Floating idly one day through the air,
a circus performer named blair;
Tied a sizable rock
To the end of his cock,
and shattered a balcony chair.

(Ha ha ha, BOOM BOOM)

[Mad Irishman]

I've just read cows message. Anyone who's read a blurb knows Asimov was a college student. Whats a bet most of the limerick were thought up a frat parties?

Also here are some of the sites I like:
Transformation
Rauls Fridge
Koonago Factory - Shrinking Women
Furvect Transformation
Bust Princess

[Mad Irishman]

Ok, Here's the most recent limerick;
This time posted from my sisters computer as I visit her in Perth (Australia). Because she is sitting behind me I shall post a cleaner one than I had intended to.
______________________

There was a young lady from France,
Who did think it a pain to where pants.
She went out in the rain,
And then found it a pain,
When her hem-line did start to advance..
______________________

Ok, I know: That one was terrible (And not very explicit).

[Mad Irishman]

There was a young lady of Andover;
All the boys used to ask her to hand over
her sexual favour,
Which she did (May God save her!)
For her morals she had no command over.
______________________

"Still kicking bottom or what!!" - Holly from 'Red Dwarf'

[Mad Irishman]

There's an over-sexed lady named Whyte
Who'd insist on a dozen a night.
A fellow named Cheddar
Had the Brashness to wed her -
His chance of survival is slight.
________________________

Ok, that gets that out the way.
Now for something I recieved in my E-Mail.
________________________

This is a True Story from - Denver Airport!!!!

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.
Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I am sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but, I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone, "May I have your attention please, " she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.
"We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore "F*** You!".
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too.

[Inky]

As a rule, a sexy French maid
should have no trouble getting herself laid
but who here refutes
that clod-hopper boots
don't seem much of a sexual aid?

-- not that I don't like Kwerki's new look.

[Mad Irishman]

There was a young fellow maned Sweeney
Whose girl was a terrible meanie.
The hatch of her snatch,
had a catch that would latch:
She could only be screwed by houdini!

[Mad Irishman]

There was a young lady of Trent,
Who said that she knew what it meant
When he asked her to dine,
Private room, lots of wine...
She knew, ohh she knew... She still went!

[Mad Irishman]

There was a young lady in Natchez
Who fell in some nettle wood patches.
She sits in her room
With her bare little moon,
And scratches, and scratches, and scratches.