S&M by e-mail?

Halo299 · Post by **Halo299** » Fri Aug 11, 2006 10:39 pm

as a few of you may have figured out by now, i have some pretty exotic taste when it come to sexual stuff.

this has caused me to look in some pretty out of the way places on the internet.

and i have heard mentioned a couple of times now the concept of s&m style relationships taking place over the internet.

i can't wrap my mind around how that would work.

does anyone here have any knowledge to share about this that might help me understand this?

thank you once again guys.

-halo

Tyras · Post by **Tyras** » Fri Aug 11, 2006 10:43 pm

It's probably a matter of role-playing.

Or an honor system of "forcing" a distant partner to do (or not do) something in real life. Nothing would actually force them to actually carry it out, but that's a large part of the fun.

.......or so I've heard.

Squidflakes · Post by **Squidflakes** » Sat Aug 12, 2006 12:48 am

webcams help.... a lot

Awkwardschoolgirl · Post by **Awkwardschoolgirl** » Sat Aug 12, 2006 6:06 am

Well, it would most likely be a cybersex role-play thing. It also usually involves the dom telling the sub to do something IRL and then they do it and report back. It could also require the sub making a list of all of their clothing and giving it to the dom so that s/he can tell the sub what to wear, and/or an online journal/blog that is private between only you and your partner. These are all examples of the rules of a dom I had an online s&m relationship with a few months back, though I won't disclose his name because he's a GGC forum member and... that could get weird.

Halo299 · Post by **Halo299** » Sat Aug 12, 2006 6:12 am

awkwardschoolgirl wrote:Well, it would most likely be a cybersex role-play thing. It also usually involves the dom telling the sub to do something IRL and then they do it and report back. It could also require the sub making a list of all of their clothing and giving it to the dom so that s/he can tell the sub what to wear, and/or an online journal/blog that is private between only you and your partner. These are all examples of the rules of a dom I had an online s&m relationship with a few months back, though I won't disclose his name because he's a GGC forum member and... that could get weird.

OMG now i am wondering who it was...oh wait...i think i know.

hmm, considering a few RL situations going on right now i might like to try that kind of thing. Any ideas on where to start looking before i just start posting adds on random message boards, because i don't want to talk to homeland security again.

wow, i must trust you guys a lot.

-halo

Awkwardschoolgirl · Post by **Awkwardschoolgirl** » Sat Aug 12, 2006 6:18 am

Halo299 wrote:
awkwardschoolgirl wrote:Well, it would most likely be a cybersex role-play thing. It also usually involves the dom telling the sub to do something IRL and then they do it and report back. It could also require the sub making a list of all of their clothing and giving it to the dom so that s/he can tell the sub what to wear, and/or an online journal/blog that is private between only you and your partner. These are all examples of the rules of a dom I had an online s&m relationship with a few months back, though I won't disclose his name because he's a GGC forum member and... that could get weird.
OMG now i am wondering who it was...oh wait...i think i know.

It's not Squiddy if that's what you were thinking.

Halo299 · Post by **Halo299** » Sat Aug 12, 2006 6:49 am

awkwardschoolgirl wrote:
Halo299 wrote:
awkwardschoolgirl wrote:Well, it would most likely be a cybersex role-play thing. It also usually involves the dom telling the sub to do something IRL and then they do it and report back. It could also require the sub making a list of all of their clothing and giving it to the dom so that s/he can tell the sub what to wear, and/or an online journal/blog that is private between only you and your partner. These are all examples of the rules of a dom I had an online s&m relationship with a few months back, though I won't disclose his name because he's a GGC forum member and... that could get weird.
OMG now i am wondering who it was...oh wait...i think i know.
It's not Squiddy if that's what you were thinking.

the way my mind works in somewhere between a champion chess player, a person who sufferes from paranoia, and a crack head. So much logic...so much useless information...so much willingness to draw conclusions from seeming unrelated data...yet my success rate is really quite amazing.

no, i wasn't thinking squiddy but he was right up there at the top.

-halo

Xnapalmxmorningx · Post by **Xnapalmxmorningx** » Sat Aug 12, 2006 9:30 am

That just seems like too much work or at least that it would be lacking.

and yay for logic and uesless information

Slander · Post by **Slander** » Sat Aug 12, 2006 9:40 am

I considered pointing you to collarme.com, but, in over a year of having a full profile (pictures and all) there, I've never once had a contact from someone that I didn't message first. From the tales I've been told by some of my female friends, they usually get about 200 messages a day. One even claimed to still be getting messages for up to a month after she deleted her account.

If you're just interested in roleplaying, you could try ShangrilaMUSH.com. If you're a male Dominant, it's not hard at all to get play there. It's a different story for male submissives, I hear, but it's not impossible.

Yahoo Chat also used to be a pretty good place to roleplay, but that changed when Yahoo eliminated the user-created rooms. A lot of the better Yahoo players are on Shangrila now. Yahoo Groups still has some good roleplaying groups.

ThePalace.com also has several BDSM servers, but I find that they've grown rather cliqueish since I stopped regularly visiting. Also, bad typing is the norm, not the exception.

There's BDSM all over the Internet. You just have to look for it.

Squidflakes · Post by **Squidflakes** » Sat Aug 12, 2006 6:11 pm

Heh.. Shang.

The legend of Takoika LIVES!

Mskala · Post by **Mskala** » Sun Aug 13, 2006 10:28 am

Slander wrote:I considered pointing you to collarme.com, but, in over a year of having a full profile (pictures and all) there, I've never once had a contact from someone that I didn't message first. From the tales I've been told by some of my female friends, they usually get about 200 messages a day. One even claimed to still be getting messages for up to a month after she deleted her account.

That's the story on more vanilla kinds of dating sites, too. Men respond to women's ads. Women do not respond to men's ads. Men can post ads if they want to, but they don't get responses, and That's Just The Way It Is, Some Things Will Never Change. I don't know how it is for homosexuals - maybe gays get lots of responses from each other and lesbians get none? Probably nothing that simple. Anyway, it's quite disappointing if you're a man who fetishizes strong, initiative-taking women.

Honor · Post by **Honor** » Sun Aug 13, 2006 2:06 pm

Slander wrote:I considered pointing you to collarme.com, but, in over a year of having a full profile (pictures and all) there, I've never once had a contact from someone that I didn't message first.

I have a profile at CM... I've met five people from there for live events, and talked to a lot of others on IM, email, and phone... And I never msg first, unless it's to answer a question an interesting sub has posted in her profile.

Slander · Post by **Slander** » Sun Aug 13, 2006 4:38 pm

Y'know, I've decided. I'm gonna start a "Sadie Hawkins" dating site, where only the women can initiate contact. Men can reply to messages, but only to messages they haven't sent a response to before.

Does that sound like a good idea to you folks?

Awkwardschoolgirl · Post by **Awkwardschoolgirl** » Sun Aug 13, 2006 4:43 pm

That's an awesome idea. Yaaaay Slandy-poo!!

Swordsman3003 · Post by **Swordsman3003** » Sun Aug 13, 2006 4:50 pm

I could go for that

ManaUser · Post by **ManaUser** » Sun Aug 13, 2006 7:29 pm

Definitely worth a try.

LindaH · Post by **LindaH** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 2:22 am

Honor wrote:
Slander wrote:I considered pointing you to collarme.com, but, in over a year of having a full profile (pictures and all) there, I've never once had a contact from someone that I didn't message first.
I have a profile at CM... I've met five people from there for live events, and talked to a lot of others on IM, email, and phone... And I never msg first, unless it's to answer a question an interesting sub has posted in her profile.

have one there too. in fact that is how i met my beloved!

Slander · Post by **Slander** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 7:32 am

I'll do some research and see what it takes to do something like this. To be honest, though, I don't have clue one where to begin. I also don't know much about hosting a site, programming it, etc, nor do I have the money to run a dating site out-of-pocket. (Also, I was hoping to do it as a free site, a la OKCupid.)

So, unless someone with business acumen, php expertise, and deep pockets wants to back me up, this isn't happening for at least a year.

When it does, though, you lot will be the very first to know.

Squidflakes · Post by **Squidflakes** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:17 am

You can get a hosting package that will handle a site like that with moderate traffic for around $30-$40 a month. That usually includes PHP on the sever with an already installed forum, database, gallery, and a few other applications.

A quick check on FreshMeat or SourceForge would probably turn up a number of applications that would allow you to store pictures and profiles, and then all them to be searched. Hell, just the standard phpbb that this forum runs on would be most of what you need.

Aeridus · Post by **Aeridus** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 9:58 am

Just make sure you get a lenient hosting service. Some of them are rather restrictive about what can be hosted (ie no porn or lewd materials)... others don't care.