Lara Croft SUCKS.

Darnn · Post by **Darnn** » Sun Mar 31, 2002 10:24 am

I'm sorry, but somebody had to say it.
Seriously. The Games suck. The control is crappy, and the whole thing's a great, big jumping puzzle with some guns mixed in.
As for the 'lovely' Ms. Croft herself... I'm not going to talk about how she couldn't be alive with that wait-bust ratio. She is, after all, a game character, and those can be unrealistic. However... She's ugly! Am I the only person who finds huge breasts and overly skinny body complexions unattractive? I'm sure there are other people!
Anyway, this rant is only valid if Yahtazee (the real one) actually likes Lara Croft. I'm still hoping hat he only put her in the comic because she's a well-known character.

Danish_socialist · Post by **Danish_socialist** » Sun Mar 31, 2002 10:53 am

I must disagree with you on this one.
I'm in on the overly skinny buddy and the extremly oversice boobs are not very sexy, but a sice C or D breast is not too big.

I havn't looked that much at the gamefigur, but in her film, she's looks good.

Yahtzee · Post by **Yahtzee** » Sun Mar 31, 2002 11:18 am

Well, OK, I used to have a sort of pefunctory crush on the girl, but hey, I was younger and pubescent, she had tits like solar eclipses, it was a match made in heaven.

But I'm over that and all smart and mature now. I only keep her poster on my bedroom wall for old times' sake.

RhubarbCelestial · Post by **RhubarbCelestial** » Sun Mar 31, 2002 11:20 am

For the record, I actually really enjoy the games. But yeah, the waist-bust ratio pisses me off a lot, like there's this chick who kicks ass and can frankly do anything, but in order for her to 'make it', she has to have big tits. It's kinda depressing.

Then I remember the audience this is marketing for...

ZOMBIE USER 3288 · Post by **ZOMBIE USER 3288** » Sun Mar 31, 2002 2:58 pm

Personally, I always thought the fact that she could do somersaults in the air SIDEWAYS was quite cool.

Roscoe · Post by **Roscoe** » Sun Mar 31, 2002 3:57 pm

I hate anorexic women/girls (mostly girls, I can't call them too mature). My preference is a ratio more equivilent to Marilyn Monroe or Janis Joplin. (Avoid alliteration. Always.)

Well-formed, attractive, and fleshy.

Elizabeth Sherry · Post by **Elizabeth Sherry** » Sun Mar 31, 2002 6:48 pm

Personally, I never quite saw the point to the games. But then, I've never really played them, so I'm not qualified to judge. Her proportions would be rather scary in a real woman, I imagine.

How did Paul knew about Yahtzee's love of Lara Croft? Is it just that Yahtzee mentions her rather frequently, or has Paul asked the 'strong positive emotions' question of Gary, too? If so, why? Is Ludo going to start dressing as Lara Croft in a desperate attempt to win Yahtzee's love? Am I reading too much meaning into a comic? Do the characters sit around in between scenes and discuss who they lust after? Do moogles ever come into said discussion?

Ok, I'll stop. I'm beginning to scare myself.

Helana · Post by **Helana** » Sun Mar 31, 2002 10:05 pm

Ok, so I've never played the game, but Angelina Jolie is HOT! I would so do her twice with the lights on!!! (Sorry, just an expression some of my friends and I use.)

Darnn · Post by **Darnn** » Mon Apr 01, 2002 1:53 am

Angelina Jolie is stupid, which is a great,big turn-off for me. For Christ's sake, she carries a phial of her husband's blood with her.

Dr_Looney · Post by **Dr_Looney** » Mon Apr 01, 2002 4:56 am

And she also has lips you could stick her to a window with.

And who says Lara Croft has size C or D breasts? You obviously have little experience with bosoms. Those are GG and no less.

Trey · Post by **Trey** » Mon Apr 01, 2002 6:31 pm

ummmm

anorexic and large breasts.

yesssssssssssss.

UnitedmothersINC · Post by **UnitedmothersINC** » Mon Apr 01, 2002 8:40 pm

i dont get the game.....

and everyone tells me thats sad....

Darnn · Post by **Darnn** » Tue Apr 02, 2002 12:09 am

I'm with you.
I honestly don't get it... What fun am I missing here? Max Payne is in the third person perspective, and I've had no problems controling that.
Ms. Croft just went 'bouncy bouncy' a few times, but not properly, and so I had to start over. Maybe the demo for TR2 is just bad, I don't know, maybe there's some sort of trining level I'm supposed to play, but so far, I've seen nothing good about the games.

Conador2 · Post by **Conador2** » Tue Apr 02, 2002 2:36 am

*Hits you all over the head with a copy of Tomb Raider*

Though the game is rather difficult to control and without an indepth storyline it was still pretty good. Its not better than half life (few things are) , and its definitley not the best 3dimensional 3rd person adventure game though, it was proabably the first....

The first was good but all the other ones were just clones....

I wont say anything about Lara Croft for fear i might incriminate myself.... -ahem-

Dr_Looney · Post by **Dr_Looney** » Tue Apr 02, 2002 2:38 am

For whatever brain-diseased reason, my sister likes the games, and so I have played most of them. They are completely abysmal. I agree there is no control, shooting is made easy with a skill-destroying 'auto aim' feature, the levels are made of solid blocks of scenery a l

Chefelf · Post by **Chefelf** » Tue Apr 02, 2002 11:06 am

I think that big tits would be more of a hinderance than anything else. Actually I think Angelina Jolie did a lot of her own stunts in the movie. Nevermind.

Dr_Looney · Post by **Dr_Looney** » Tue Apr 02, 2002 11:30 am

Yeah, but that's kind of a moot point as Angelina Jolie has ordinary sized boobs and is, in fact, a real person. The only person I can think of with Lara-sized funbags in real life is the cosmetic surgery-'enhanced' Lolo Ferrari, and she wasn't allowed on Concorde in case they burst, and later died of a brain haemorrphage connected to the disgustingly overproportioned implants.

Darnn · Post by **Darnn** » Wed Apr 03, 2002 4:27 pm

Ah, but at least it was an original way to go.
"Help, Doctor, one of my boobs is leaking into my BRAIN!"

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Darnn on 2002-04-04 02:05 ]</font>

RhubarbCelestial · Post by **RhubarbCelestial** » Fri Apr 05, 2002 9:25 am

Weird. I really like TR and TR2 but found Half-Life to be dull as anything. Maybe it was just Yahtzee building up my expectations too high with his rants about how Half-Life was the BEST THING EVER MADE IN THE HISTORY OF ALL TIME, but for me it was just another FPS with a slightly more indepth storyline than usual. Not a patch on System Shock 2, at least that had a bit of suspense in it. HL was just 'shoot the monster, shoot the monster, open the door, shoot the monster', kinda reminded me of a more nerdy Duke Nukem...

Yahtzee · Post by **Yahtzee** » Fri Apr 05, 2002 9:26 am

Sigh.

I tried.