*Rides by in a mule drawn cart* Bring out your lists!

[Brentos]

Okay, here's the goods. We all know how RM5 likes his silly lists right? Well I've found some real hum-dingers while searching the net so I thought this would be a good place to share them.

First up: A list of fake colleges. My favourite is The Massachusets Institute of Los Angelos. I was hoping for the Brentos Institute but oh well...

http://www.boxfreeconcepts.com/magicmill/

[Brentos]

And don't answer yet! Just look what else you get! Now this is the grand daddy of all lists every where. I think it actually includes absolutely everything ever created or imagined. I just can't believe it. RM5 has already seen this one and let me tell you it's too funny for words. My favourite demon to be cast out in the name of Jesus? Fear of mens oppinions!

http://www.demonbuster.com/z14lod.html

[Brentos]

I was just going through my list of favourites and realised that I'M the one obsessed with lists. Uma? Oprah. Oprah? Uma.

http://www.mich.com/~drhanna/fw96.htm

[Brentos]

The ol' Uma Oprah gag must be special. I just got promoted.

[Redmenace5]

Out, out, damn whining and Bossy Women! Out in the name of Jaysis!

[Brentos]

Urgent!

http://www.mich.com/~drhanna/mgtophundred.htm

[Redmenace5]

You want lists, you say? Well, here's one:

Top 10 Reasons why Law School Kicks Journalism School's proverbial ASS!!

1) The Law School gets a soda machine.
2) The Law School gets a snack machine.
3) The Law School gets janatorial staff.
4) The Law School has bathrooms that you don't have to unlock everytime you have to take a whiz.
5) Every student gets his own lexisnexis account, instead of everyone sharing one.
6) The Law School has a humor rag that I would have been editor of if it hadn't mysteriously gone under.
7) No city council meetings.
8) No School Board meetings.
9) Law grads actually make money.
10) MORE TIME FOR WEB COMICS!

Hmm, this wasn't really that funny. But I needed to vent.

[JPSloan]

I'm not in Law School, but my girlfriend is. Thought I'd add a couple nice things about LSU's Law School...

- Free beer every Friday! (They call it G.I.F., "God, it's Friday!")
- There is a gourmet coffee house in the law building (my company happens to have built it, too)
- Private parking lot
- Special section at football games

[Brentos]

It's true, journalists are way under paid. When my buddy Adam was in Columbia he was so poor he had to put thin wood slats in the bottoms of his shoes because they had holes in them. He's an editor now for the AP so he's finally making good money. In fact he makes tons of money. The only problem is that each time he's back in Canada I need to pour beer and whiskey down his throat until he stops resembling JPSloan's avatar. And when he was reporting on buisiness and finance he made good money too but it was way too boring for him. Hey JPSloan! Howdy! I like your comic, reminds me of Vancouver Island!

[Redmenace5]

Whoa, your girlfriend's law school is better than mine. But does it have a drinking fountain? Huh? Does it?!

Speaking of Lousiana, once when I went back home to the old country, I stopped by my old high school and got into an unfortunate conversation with my dough-faced principal. (The guy spent most of his time as principal sleeping in a broom closet. No joke! Of course, that might be better than some other principals I've had, including th eone who had affairs with cheerleaders. Ew)

Anyway, he asked me where I lived now.

"I'm living in LA," I said.

Then there was a slight pause.

"Oh," he said, "So how do you like Lousiana?"

Another pause.

And I, totally confused and forgetting that LA is the abbreviation for Lousiana, blurt out: "Oh, I like it just fine!"

[JPSloan]

Thanks, Brentos! I lived in the Pacific Northwest for two years. It was directly after I graduated from college (which kind of relates to the topic at hand, strangely enough). My first job I got with a degree in my hand? Taco Bell! Woo freakin' hoo.

Yeah, her law school is pretty top-notch. They get two degrees, one in common and one in civilian, so that they can practice law anywhere in US, Europe, and Commonwealth. Louisiana's legal code is based on common law, by the way, so we kind of have to. Also, everyone in the history of LSU's law school has passed the bar on the first try. Of course, the curriculum is likened unto BOOT CAMP, but that's neither here nor there.

And speaking of principals... I'm seriously considering going back for my Master's and being a principal. Or school administrator. Pie in the sky dream... to open my own private school.

[Redmenace5]

Principal or school admin? Well, I'd say go for it, man. We need more of both and better ones, too!

[Brentos]

The top seven reasons why Tiawan is freaky...

#7 The garbage trucks play music like icecream trucks. When they drive by everybody runs gleefully towards them with thier garbage. The guy on the back doesn't do anything. He just observes. Kind of like what I used to do!

#6 In Tiawan it's not the year 2002, it's the year 91! I'm not shittin' you.

#5 Teachers in Tiawan use a two foot plastic stick with a little rubber hand on the end to disipline thier students. This stick is called the "tall hand of love". And no there's no pain inflicted, just a very light flap flap flap that shames them into submission.

#4 I had my own desk when I got here but then a fortune teller was hired to check out the school who said no one should sit at the desk except the directors wife. So now I can't sit at my desk... ever! I'm not making any of this up!

#3 Soup is served in plastic bags.

#2 You say "bye" to someone in Tiawanese by saying "bye bye". Coincidence or just fucked up weird stuff? You decide.

#1 The kareoke videos seen in local bars are filmed in Vancouver! Why?!?!?

Okay dat's it for now you all have a good one eh?
Oh yeah!

[DoneDirtCheap]

Wow.
I totally want a tall hand of love.
I suppose that would be kind of humiliating. Does the teacher also go "Ha! I merely hit you with rubber band and you are shamed. Cry! Cry little child!"?

I don't really have a list, sorry.
My shame knows no bounds.

[ZOMBIE USER 3288]

Top 10 reasons why DoneDirtCheap has no list.

10. He sucks.
9. Everybody point and laugh.
8-2. Ha ha.
1. What a loser.

[Redmenace5]

Aaaaaw, but we love ya anyway, ya big lug!

[DoneDirtCheap]

No! I deserve no love!
I am listless!
Unlisted!
And yet more pathetically, those are the only ways of saying "I do not have a list" I can really think of. So I really deserve no love.

[ZOMBIE USER 3288]

You're list free?
You have 100% less list?
You have a list in the sense that Carrot Top is funny?

That's all I can think of.

[Redmenace5]

You suffer from a lack of list?
You have List Deficit Disorder?
You have negative list?
In Bizzaro world, you am has much list?
You are the king of Nolistland and the mayor of its capital, Nolistcity. Also, in your spare time, you're the captain of your own private yacht, the USS Nolist!

[DoneDirtCheap]

Right!
I'm an english major, dammit - I get paid to come up with synonyms. Or at least I will be so paid.
I am unenumerated and deitemized; the history of the listed excludes me entirely; when you look up "list" in the dictionary, you do not see me; that one guy you heard of? The one with the list? Not me; I will never, ever write for the Letterman show; I am like the featureless Brahma in that neither of us has a list; my list-factor is embarrassingly low; I am not now, nor have I ever been on the FBI's "Most Listed" list.

My good friend Wonus Hagner was once heard to remark that it was ironical [sic] to note that I was not, in fact, listless.