Pick 'n' Flick

Redmenace5 · Post by **Redmenace5** » Wed Feb 27, 2002 8:30 am

You want a good movie-going experience? Go pick up Battlefield Earth today! It's the greatest movie eve made, seriously! It's the story of John Travolta, a Klingon with dreadlocks from the planet Psychlo, who comes to Earth to mine for gold- because, obviously, the Pyschlo economy just happens to be based on the same mineral as our earth economy. After gutting the planet for 1000 years, he still hasn't found squat because he's an idiot and so is everybody else on from backwards-ass planet. So then he decides that to get "leverage" he's going to make some random caveman really smart with a smart machien (Hey, I'm not making this up!) but the caveman learns to fly a Harrier jet, recruits some buddies, and blows everything up! It's laughs a plenty in this ridiculous sci-fi mess! This is the bad movie the Phantom Menace could have been if George Lucas had just smoked a little more crack during production!

STUFF TO WATCH FOR:
-John Travolta's flamboyantly effeminate portrayl of the Klingon guy...pretty much everything he doe she is pure gold! Especially whenever he talks about "leverage," or calls anyone a "man-animal" or "Rat-brain."
-John Travolta blowing the legs off of cows!
-High-Tech military technology that still works after 1000 years of collecting dust!
-The Psychlo's unbelievable stupidity! Really, it's mind-boggling!
-The good guy passes off gold that he swiped from Fort Knox (which the Psychlos haven't found even after a millenium of rooting around for gold. Geez, you'd think they would bother asking someone where we kept all our gold when they took over) and John Travolta doesn't seem to notice that ALL THE PURE ORE IS ALREADY MELTED INTO BARS!!
-The head Psychlo's hideous neck goiter!
-The Psychlo chick's enormous tongue!
-Oh, just everything!

ZOMBIE USER 3288 · Post by **ZOMBIE USER 3288** » Sat Mar 02, 2002 5:49 pm

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/cm ... 79-6001503

Go there and read my Battlefield Earth review.

Redmenace5 · Post by **Redmenace5** » Mon Mar 04, 2002 9:22 am

You said it much better than I ever could! Your review of Super Mario Brothers was spot-on as well.

Evil hair.

ZOMBIE USER 3288 · Post by **ZOMBIE USER 3288** » Tue Mar 05, 2002 8:54 pm

Meh. If you watched MST3K all the time, had read Mike Nelson's Movie Megacheese, made fun of movies all the time, watched Battlefield Earth while taking notes, and then sat down and took several hours planning out the review you could have done just as well.