I am number one artifical intelligence sugoi!

[Matrygg]

I just wanted to say that I am the best at playing artifical intelligences. Ok, maybe not. But I have 'oh god, humanity is stupid now' down to an art.<P>Oh, and I daunted Barry the other day, which is a bonus for me. <P>And I'm going to war this weekend <IMG SRC="http://www.keenspace.com/forums/smile.gif"> Which is a triple bonus for me.<P>Oh, and Thank you all for supporting me in the elections for supreme president for life and all powerful potentate of the mailing list. What, you don't remember supporting me? Excellent. My mind-control satellites get more advanced every day...<P>--Matt

[Matrygg]

*sigh* must it always come to violence? How sad. I'm afraid I have no choice then...*presses a little blue button and watches as the ninja begin to dissolve*<P>You see, ninja obviously possess a genetic quirk which, while allowing them to be nigh unstoppable killing machines, makes them idiotic when it comes to jumping. Since this quirk is unique to the Ninja, it makes it relatively easy to destroy them.<P>Using the sequence of the Human Genome a graduate student thoughtfully provided me thanks to my orbital mind-control satellites, it was relatively easy to create a retrovirus which, when encountering the aberrant Ninja gene as a full blown trait (Ninjahood, naturally, being recessive) causes a rather nasty speed-up of the metabolism coupled with a flood of new ultra-powerful white blood cells. These cells, instead of attacking only true intruders to the system, essentially act as the white blood cells of someone with an allergy do, triggering the immune responses. However, instead of a harmless allergen being the target, the bodies own systems are, in fact targeted and destroyed, reducing the hapless Ninja to a pool of pus-like goo.<P>Oh, and as regards your missle platforms- Even assuming a platform-launched missle could truly achieve the orbital height necessary to reach the Legrange points, I have taken the precaution of appropriating several billion dollars worth of 'communications' satellites that are, in fact, early warning and kinetic-kill vehicles intended for alien invasion or nuclear launch. The US Space Command? Please. Vandenberg Air Force Base is only a short drive from here and with the internet, is there any real need to be _near_ a facility to have complete control? *Matt's voice takes on a tone of mock sympathy laced heavily with sarcasm* Oh, I'm afraid my defenses will be quite operational when your missles arrive....<P>Matt. <p>[This message has been edited by matrygg (edited 02-14-2001).]

[Seta Soujiro]

Have you two been playing Parinoia again?
So, onii-san, what now? I think one-upping people with weaponry is your field of expertice. (And I already had the missle silo control set on "overkill." Darn.)
Come to think of it, I believe I've seen a group of ninja's who do not jump (well, they still got the tar beaten out of them... they were doing pretty well until that guy pulled out the anti-tank gun, though).

[Okita Souji]

SAdly I haven't seen ninjas who failed to jump and followed orders. The ones that are too smart to jump all seem to have their own agendas. "I want to capture the president" or "I want to prove I'm the strongest." Impossible to keep track of. However as soon as my factory hits full production I'll begin looking how to create cyber ninja. They should be a vast improvement. (Oh we haven't been playing paranoia. It's more Illuminati.)<P>As to your mind control lasers they present a threat to free will and justice. Verily only I am allowed to crush them. If my missiles fail I will have to oversee the job personally. By the way, the reason my factory has yet to produce cyber ninjas is simple. They just compleated the manufacture of Gundanium. Your satalites have no chance.<P>Now I must go. I have a satalite to destroy.<P>Ted

[Okita Souji]

Stupid mind control satalites... Sis, get the missile platform ready. Even if you do live constantly surrounded by trees, my ninja will eventually prevail!<P> You did however display an impressive level of contempt, I'll give you that. Just don't try any Hal moves or me or the kid will send 10,000 volts through your CPU. With luck we may even short out your doomsday device.<P> Ah well back to ninja training. If only they would learn not to jump from tree to tree. Maybe if I cut off their legs...<P>Ted

[Okita Souji]

heh heh heh heh HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!<P>You really have no clue what is really going on do you Matt. Ah well, I see no need to enlighten you at this stage. I do admit the nanites were annoying. Until the EMP pulse shorted the little suckers out. As to the other defenses well. That's my secret...<P>Ted

[Matrygg]

*sigh* Why would an EMP pulse short out hardened nanites? If you're going to use military technology, you might as well go all the way, right? Besides, you forget that once infected with nanites, you're never really rid of them. They're sitting inside your oh so precious technology, dormant, waiting til oh, about _now_. There, back to work for them, without the nasty EMP problems thanks to hardening. And even if you somehow manage to block the hardened technology, the nanites are small enough that not all of them will be affected by the radiation. Oh, by the way, interesting things you're writing on your keyboard. Got to love TEMPEST systems, no? Also, I wouldn't step outside too often. Particle beams can be _so_ nasty.<P>And all this because you wanted to send Ninja's to kill me. Isn't it sad what the escalation of violence does in our society?<P>And finally, can you _really_ be sure of what you're eating? Up here, everything is organic or some other such theorectically 'healthy' method of growing. And I have everything checked by my personal taster. It never hurts to be too paranoid. I trust you're doing the same? If not, I'd hate to be you in a few days after the bioagents kick in...<P>--Matt

[Matrygg]

*sigh* Ted, Ted, Ted...<P>Must you always be one step behind my greatness? Watch in awe as with a single button press I infest the main processor of your factory systems. Each of your cyberninja now have, written on the hardware level, a simple override prompt. Oh, I'll let you keep control of them, but any attempt to kill me or those I designate will result in failure. I'm a kind and magnaminous supreme overlord that way.<P>As for your attack on my defenses, my shields should hold fairly nicely. If that fails, I have a legion of soldiers to act as cannon fodder. And lest you assume that your mythical metals will somehow save you, I have nanotechnology. Any attempt by anything more technologically advanced than an inert asteroid, or larger than a cat, will be slowly dismantled on the atomic level. Furthermore, should you somehow manage to escape that threat, I have a group of wacky, lovable teenagers with magical powers who are fully behind my just and benevolent rule. And we all know no force in the universe can withstand wacky, loveable teenagers.<P>--Matt

[Okita Souji]

You just don't know whats really going on do you. I don't feel nice enough to enlighten you. All you need to know is that even should your particle beam get lucky and hurt me, or your ninites or bio agents get past my defenses, the others will finish what I have started. You are one but we are legion. I can say no more.<P>Ted

[OnlyOne]

Am I going to have to take you both out? I've got a .303, a couple bandoliers of ammunition, and I run the comic. Even if the RPG club segments are based on reality, I've no problems arranging 'Matt and Ted's maximum violence death week'.<P>------------------
- Barry
AIM:Beri Alpha
http://OnlyOne-Online.org