A question (ot)

Glych · Post by **Glych** » Fri Mar 23, 2001 7:18 am

Sure! I love Sci-Fi...Alfred Bester is my fave author (Stars my Destination -USA, Tiger, Tiger -Europe), I just finished Star Wars: A New Jedi Order:Balance Point By Kathy Teyers yesterday, and Star Wars:I, Jedi is my second favorite book of all time!


Read Star Wars, for they are good... (The only "bad" one is Children of the Jedi, but that's because the author's heart wasn't in it...)

Now to get back on topic...SURE!-glych------------------
-glych
"God is love,
love is blind,
Ray Charles is blind;
God is Ray Charles???"<A HREF="http://glych.keenspace.com" TARGET=_blank>No Stereotypes</A>

Ghostwolf · Post by **Ghostwolf** » Fri Mar 23, 2001 12:34 pm

Glych, I was wondering if you would mind if I put a link to a story I am working on up. The story is some-what...err, ok mostly furry directed (no yiffy stuff, stright sci-fi, with possably some H.P. Lovecraft as well). It's just the first bit of it, but I would like some input from some normal people( failing that the nuts on this board will do). I thought i would ask before I just slapped it up there.Ghostwolf out...

Ghostwolf · Post by **Ghostwolf** » Sun Mar 25, 2001 8:13 am

Ok Folks, I now present to you, <A HREF="http://acheron.n3.net/altearth.htm" TARGET=_blank>AlteredEarth</A>.
This is only the first part of the first chapter so I know it is a bit short.
Oh, yeah, AlteredEarth, Ghostwolf, and any thing else in this story Copyright Erik Ahlstedt 2001. So that out of the way please go read and tell me what you think.Ghostwolf out...

Glych · Post by **Glych** » Sun Mar 25, 2001 9:17 am

Ghostwolf-
Don't take this cretique too harshly or too close to heart..i tend to be very critical when it comes to something/one I like, and you haven't given me any reason not to like you; I only want to improve you...Well, I read it, and i've spotted several patturns of a beginner:1st off- you try to do too much with the space you have..You can't cram War and Peace into 6 pages of comic art... You have to write a story from the beginning, th whole explanation about the comic, the mutations, and such- well that's an entire manga series in itself... I have visions of terror, fear, prejudice, among other vices.... You need space and time in order to give these story ideas the respect and attention they deserve.... So, amybe start writing from there, or make it -not first person- but thrid person, first chapter- to set the mood of the story over the explaination from the character...because you have to assume that the character's world aready knows what happened....and if not...why/ if it's that large a crisis? Why is he explaininng it...My reccomendation: tell your history in chapter one, then in chapter two continue with what you have but just have "Well, let's start in the beginning...after the comet...blah blah blah..."Next error: you try to make your character too likable in the beginning, too important... we have to grow into him... He have to learn to love him...You humor is good...but what is Ghostwolf doing? A physical? first I had the impression he was in some sort of snubfighter or exo suit floating in space, waiting to doc...then there's people asking him to lift his arms...!?!?!?You need to clarify...but I can see what you'r trying to do...g'luck, and take this with a grain of salt (and a shot of tequilla)-glych
------------------
-glych
"God is love,
love is blind,
Ray Charles is blind;
God is Ray Charles???"<A HREF="http://glych.keenspace.com" TARGET=_blank>No Stereotypes</A>

Ghostwolf · Post by **Ghostwolf** » Mon Mar 26, 2001 1:35 am

No problem Glych, this is exactly what I was looking for. You didn't just say that you liked it or not, you also gave the reasons for why you do or don't. As it was that was only a first draft any-way so it isn't a big thing. i would like to hear from the rest of the forum though, so come one people step up and tell me what you think...please?Ghostwolf out...

Ghostwolf · Post by **Ghostwolf** » Thu Apr 05, 2001 7:47 am

*bump*
I'm still waiting to find out what everybody else thinks. Come on people...please?Ghostwolf out...------------------
Vincent Suzukawa and Genecatlow may not be Gods, but they sure are darn close.

Ghostwolf · Post by **Ghostwolf** » Tue Apr 10, 2001 6:53 am

having gone back and reread it myself(many times). why is that what we put down the first time sounds good the first time but later doesn't? ah well, at the moment I am in the middle of a complete rewrite starting from an entirely different direction. and yes you were right, he was getting fitted for his mech. training mechs being setup for use by many people, and loseing some responsiveness as a result. combat mechs are setup for at most 2 maybe three people, the most personal bits the comps can handle with out going nuts. on the upside however they are much more responsive.Ghostwolf out...------------------
Vincent Suzukawa and Genecatlow may not be Gods, but they sure are darn close.

DeMatt · Post by **DeMatt** » Tue Apr 10, 2001 10:47 am

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....
Have to say that I agree with glych, there.
Sounds like an interesting premise, but, like she said, too much, too fast. Also, why would this Ghostwolf guy be explaining history into his personal log? It's valid as an introductory method, but it doesn't make sense storyline-wise. YOU wouldn't write in your diary about World War II unless it was happening as you wrote, now would you?
Second point: idiom usage. Don't forget this guy was born fully human! Idiom usage, IMHO, is only prevalent in one's birth language; so his use of "on the other paw" would be unlikely -- I think he'd still use "on the other hand".As it happens, I DO get what Ghostwolf is doing... sort of a "fitting" procedure (I think), to get measurements as to limb size/movement, strength, and so forth, to adjust the controls in his battlemech.
Also battlemechs of any sort are groundbound... aren't they?I suppose if you wanted to use the narrative tone with a character, you could set it in the far future... say, granddaddy telling the grandkids stories of the old days... then after the introductory part, switch to a first-person view.
Maybe try getting a friend to look it over with you face-to-face?------------------
Crewman: "Sir! An enemy ship is approaching! Can't scan its defenses!"
Captain: "Very well... ARM PHASE CANNON!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
De enemies just ran roughshod over DeMatt...

Ghostwolf · Post by **Ghostwolf** » Wed Apr 11, 2001 2:35 am

In fact, being the complete bastard that I am, here is a taste of what I am working on. Oh, yeah, the follow exerpt is copyright Erik Ahlstedt 2001, all characters are mine, this story may not be reproduced without the writen consent of the author. ok now that we have the legal bullcrap out of the way, on with the show.---------------------------------------------
Mistwolf looked around himself through his mechs sensors.
Go find the enemy and kill him they said. Hell, we don?t even know what he/they/it looks like. So how in the heck are we supposed to find them, as opposed to them finding us that is.
The head of the wolf shaped mech swings from one side to the other as Mistwolf looks for the enemy.
Ok, what's this? Got an IFF code headed this way? An over lay on the monitor shows the code to be a scout unit. Hmm, so what's he running from in such a hurry?
"Any unit that can here me, this is scout unit 2-4-alpha. We have encountered the enemy and are headed for map coordinates 66-bravo/28-delta. We are in need of some serious assistance."
The fifty-ton mech glides smoothly into motion. "This is Mistwolf, light him up and lead him right to me." On the small six-wheeled scout, Corp. Thompson looks over at his partner and says, "You heard the man, go light that damn thing up." It?s skin shifting through several different colors, indicating agreement, determination, amusement, and a portion of bloodlust, the A-morph flows onto the controls for the scouts five-cm power gun. With amazing accuracy for something with no eyes in the classic sense, the alien lays in a very tight grouping, causing the shields one the following armored unit to crackle and flare before failing completely. Approaching the scout from the opposite direction Mistwolf?s mech bounds over brush and other low obstructions as it gathers speed. Inside the wolf watches as the enemy AFV begins to return fire at the scout. Great gouts of plasmic energy start blasting from ports on the front of the Armored Fighting Vehicle, landing all around the much smaller scout.
Hmm?Fury class tactical AFV, no more than 80-90 tons. A thought directed at the computer activates the external booster mounted on the back quarters of the mech, giving it the maximum force behind the coming ram. The AFV, apparently realizing that it was under attack from the other mech bearing down on it, throws its track into reverse, desperately trying to slow itself. ------------------
Vincent Suzukawa and Genecatlow may not be Gods, but they sure are darn close.
[This message has been edited by Ghostwolf (edited 04-11-2001).]

Glych · Post by **Glych** » Wed Apr 11, 2001 4:34 am

Much better execution, your heart seems to be in this one mroe and it's easier to underatand...I recommend finishing...I want MORE! <IMG SRC="http://www.keenspace.com/forums/biggrin ... P>-glych------------------
-glych
"God is love,
love is blind,
Ray Charles is blind;
God is Ray Charles???"<A HREF="http://glych.keenspace.com" TARGET=_blank>No Stereotypes</A>

Ghostwolf · Post by **Ghostwolf** » Wed Apr 11, 2001 8:37 am

Many thanks. Ok, now on with the show. YOU! yes you, there in the back, yes you, the one who's been reading this and hasn't said anything. Why haven't you said anything? And don't give me any of that crap about you not being qualified to give one, it's an opinion, everybody has one and I want to hear yours!*ahem* Err...sorry about the rant there but I've only heard from two people here and I know there are more of you out there.Well anyway here is something else I'm working on(actually the first thing I started working on). As always this story and all characters, unless otherwise noted, are copyright Erik Ahlstedt 2000. Ick, now that I have flexed my claws, heres the story(at least part of it at any rate).-------------------------------------------
It is a beautiful spring day as Ghost leans against his motorcycle outside of the South Winds airport.
"Wonder when the others will show up." He mutters to himself. Reaching up absently he rubs the scar on his shoulder as he reflects on the events and choices that brought him here. High school where he met his friends Johnathan Ottersbe and, the first time he met the light of his life, Terry Smith. The fight he had with her ex-boyfriend and months later the two gunshots from the same ex-boyfriend that almost killed him. His hand shifts to his chest where the bullets had hit him.
Not even a scar left of them. He thinks to himself. Not after the lycanthropic genes activated.
Terry helping him through the chemical and physical changes the return of a near dead bloodline that his body had used to preserve his life. Learning about his body?s amped-up abilities and the cost of using them. Ghost's shoulders relax as he thinks of the months after that and how his friendship with Terry grew. He stays relaxed until he gets to the day that he and his friends went to the mall and got caught up in a terrorist attack. Both of his fists go white knuckled as he remembers that day. His head snapping over to look at the steel case on the side of his bike he briefly relives bits of that day. It was the first time he had loosed the full extent of his abilities and it almost cost him his life. Due to the over use of his powers and the fight with the terrorist leader at the end, he was in the hospital for a month while he recovered. It was in the fight with the leader of the terrorist group that he got his scars. The first running down his face above and below his right eye. The second, actually several, he accrued on his arms. The last, and the one that almost killed him, is the one that goes through his left shoulder. It was the last one where he got the sword sitting in the case on his bike; it was used to pin him to a wall on top of the mall. Ghost forces himself to relax again. It's over and done with; it?s in the past, so leave it there.
Having attained a semblance of calm, his thoughts move again to his friends. They, along with his family, had stayed with him while he was in the hospital. Afterwards they had stayed in touch, even with their college schedules. The college wasn't something that they had expected. It, along with Ghost's medical bills, was paid for by their new employer. "And just what are you brooding about now?"
As Ghost turns towards the familiar voice, his eyes light up at seeing his girlfriend Terry. "Why you, oh great goddess." He replies with a bow and a somewhat theatrical wave of his hand.
Terry lets out a laugh and then a sigh as they embrace each other. "You were right, they?re rapped up in each other."
Both Ghost and Terry turn to look at the voice. "So, you two are still keeping an eye on me." Says Ghost with a bit of a laugh. The owner of the voice is Agent Roberts of the FBI. The one he was talking to, as well as forking a small amount of cash over to, is his partner, Agent Torez.
"No." Came the reply from Torez. "But, you two might want to get a room." Agents Roberts and Torez had been assigned to keep an eye on Ghost after his change to lycanthrope status by certain parties in the government who were not sure whether he was a threat or not. "Heh, we're not that bad. But, how have you two been doing, haven't seen you for a couple of years now." Asks Ghost as he stands with an arm around Terry.
"Not too bad, we've been in school." Says Torez with a sigh. "Say, where are the two that were assigned to this after we left?"
"Those two losers?" Ghost scowls a little bit at the thought of the agents sent to replace Roberts and Torez as his watchers. "I have no idea, the last time I saw them they were having car problems as I shot past them on my bike."
Roberts looks at him with a twinkle in his eye. "You didn't pull that hoary old joke did you?"
The scowl vanishes, replaced by a very big grin, "Yup, stuck a potato right up their tail pipe." A few minutes pass by as they catch up on little bits of history when Ghost and Terry both turn their heads towards the main road.
"Well speak of the devil an he appears, you wanted to know where Jo was Roberts, well here he comes."
Looking around neither agent can spot him.
"Where the hell is he?" Asks Torez after she mutters something about wolves, ears, and where she?d like to put them.
"See that semi out there on the main road?" Ghost points to a bright orange tractor-trailer rig that looks to be doing about 75mph.
As the group watches a fairly large lump detaches itself from the bottom of the trailer.Jo Ottersbe looks up from his Gamestar portable in time to see the airport in the distance. Putting the system up he grabs an upright on one of the tire shelves.
"Well here goes, this'll either work or get me killed."
With one paw on the upright he sets the cast alloy wheels of his custom blades on the road. Wheels firmly on the road he now undoes the sling he had been sitting in for the past three hours. Seeing the exit for the airport coming up he transfers himself to the outside of the trailer. Looking down at his watch a gage shows his speed as over 70. Tsk, tsk, going a bit fast are we? Jo grins suddenly as he realizes how much fun this is going to be. As he comes up on the exit he launches himself out onto the road, grinning like a maniac. As he comes up to the edge of the drive into the airport he does a little hop, putting himself sliding down said edge; one foot sideways out in front, the other bent under him as he uses speed and momentum, tail and body, skill and insanity all to keep his balance as his alloy wheels strike sparks from the concrete. Both of the agents look like they've been hit on the head with a board. "I did not just see that. I know I didn't, that's impossible." Torez trails off into indecipherable muttering.
"I'm afraid you did, I think it's the chemicals he's been working with, them again it may just be that he is an otter." Replies Ghost. "He built those blades himself, wheels are some kind of alloy he came up with in metallurgy class. He's got the same stuff in the pads you can see him wearing."
Looking a little less stunned Roberts turns to Ghost. "So he isn't completely stupid?"
"Not really, he's crazy in only that way that otters can be, but he's not really stupid. He takes safety precautions very seriously. On the other hand, right now he's prolly higher than anybody has ever gotten on any drug out there."-------------------------------------------Well there you go, hope you like it. Either way tell me about it.Ghostwolf out...

Ghostwolf · Post by **Ghostwolf** » Wed Jun 27, 2001 1:41 am

Well folks( and you to Glych <IMG SRC="http://www.keenspace.com/forums/tongue.gif"> ) I'm baaack!
yes that's right tremble in fear...the furry one is back. Well any way on to the reason for bring this post back from the dead. I've been busy, writing and working on my web site. So I've come back for some more opinions. First though, I have to say hello to the Great One Glych. Greeting, salutations, bowing, scraping, ect. and so forth. So, on to the rest of the post. The following is copyright 2001 Erik Ahlstedt. All characters (except Whip-Lash and Max Black Rabbit, both copyright themselves) are mine. so on to the story. Tell me what you think.--------------------------------------------- A hundred miles out of the New York harbor an all black aircraft flies. At barely fifty feet off of the ocean it leaves twins trails on the water. Under civilian radar it has still been tagged by military sets. Identified as a World Counter Terrorist Organization strike craft it is ignored except for a fly-by from a navel aircraft for confirmation purposes. Max sighs as he watches the pair of F-18 Hornets head off and away from his fragile Osprey transport. Out of the corner of his eye he see his co-pilot turn to him.
"Those fly-bys always worry me. I mean what do we do if they decide they don't like us?" Whiplash turns back to his computers shaking his head.
"I try not to think about things like that. " And then in a louder voice, "Twenty to target." Hearing Max call out the time to target Jo reaches over and kicks the recumbent wolf on the other side of the aircraft.
"Wakey, wakey boss, time to get up."
The otters job done, the strike team leader was getting up, he went back to slouching in the webbing seat he was in.
Accompanied by massive amount of cracking in his joints Ghost starts his limbering up stretches. Still stretching he looks up to the front of the plane. "Time?"
"Eighteen minutes, forty-five seconds to target." Comes the reply from up front.
"Ok people, up and at'm. Jo, you're on the turret...Whiplash is gonna be too busy to handle it."
Still slouched over in his seat the otter looks up and gives a thumbs up and a grin.
"Mac, you and Terry are together. Terry covers me, you cover Terry."
The last two members of the team nod assent as Max calls out fifteen to target. Three floors down from the terrorists a very annoyed police captain paces back and forth in an office waiting for work from his superiors.
"What the hell is taking so long? Can't they get it together?" The leader of the NYPD's anti-terrorist unit grumbles to no one in particular.
"Capt'n, you know we're s'posed to wait for that wic-to strike team to get here."
"I know that Haverty, but I still think we should get the go ahead. Now, before they really get set in."
Haverty looks up at the Captain for a second, the ferret's black eyes unblinking for a moment. "You really care, don't you, Capt'n Thompson."
Startled for a second by the question Thompson stops pacing. "Sergeant?"
"Actually what I mean to say is you don't care. About this that is." Haverty pulls back his sleeve to show a patch of fur. Running a paw through it he continues, "It doesn't matter to you whether somebody has fur or not."
"No Sergeant, the only thing that has ever mattered to me is whether someone was a law breaker."
Looking up at the Captain, Haverty seems to come to a decision. Picking up his COM the ferret speaks into the system. "Ok folks, the Capt'n wants to jump off early. Talk to me, what's the status on the terrorists?"
As the people around him hurry to get things ready the corporal in charge of communications comes up.
"Sirs? I just got confirmation from Air-6. The WCTO strike team is in bound, it should hit in about six min."
Both the Captain and the Sergeant look at each other with a gleam in their eyes.
"We've got them, Haverty, they just don't know it."
With the evil look that only ferrets can do the Sergeant heads off to get things started.
With something of an evil look himself the Captain turns back to the Corporal. "Just how did you get this info? I didn't hear it come over the net."
Pulling out a cell phone the Vole grins happily. "We've known for a long time that our COM net was tapped. So we started doing what the bad guys have been doing, using cell phones for communications on the really important stuff."
Shaking his head the leader of the NYPD's anti-terrorist squad picks up his AR-14 and heads for the jump off point. Outside the building the city continues as if nothing was going on inside the thirty-story scraper on the out skirts of down town. Out in the harbor the jet-black aircraft starts rising up from the fifty-foot height it had been flying at the few lights that had been lit on the out side of the craft going out as it rises.
"JFK control this is WCTO1 going into New York air space, out."
Grinning Max glances over at Whip-Lash. "There, that satisfies the letter of the rules."
"Keep your eyes to the front you crazy rabbit." To the rest of the team, "Systems check."
"Ghost, online."
"Goddess, online. Running full-auto." This from Ghost's second in command.
"Water-rat, online. On turret." Says Jo as he drops said turret out of the bottom of the plane.
"Cyber, online." This from Mac, the Cyber-ian Tiger.
"All team members online and in net. Ghost strike is ready to go Command." Whip-Lash transmits to WCTO headquarters.
"This is Command, team Ghost strike we are receiving you, you are go for mission. Good luck, Command out."---------------------------------------------Well there it is. Ghostwolf out...------------------
The Traveler has awakened