To Lauril, Syr's account seemed like fiction – a horrific story, but entirely unreal. The actions it related belonged to some other creature – distant, abstract, hypothetical – not the fox sitting next to her, still unconsciously squeezing her paw. And Lauril wanted them to.
But no, they didn’t. They were real. They were, and they were wrong, and they were the actions of the individual before her.
The tormented individual. Lauril felt a tremor run through the paw that gripped hers, and sensed with foreboding that she was about to hear worse. She was right. Slowly, but still with confusion, she began to piece together what was coming. Stealing information… going to the Viledarians… and…
How many… how many ended up dying?
And how could she respond? She was hearing about dreadful actions, a dreadful past… and seeing present tears, guilt, and remorse. She was growing tired again, and her headache had returned, and she didn’t know what to think. Throughout the account that followed, the sense of distance from what she was hearing – of its unreality – remained, and Lauril couldn’t decide whether or not to fight it. Hearing wasn’t the same as seeing. She believed what she was hearing and could imagine the implications… but imagination fought with the pain and need visible before her. She wanted to comfort the agonized fox… but how? And by doing so, would she be devaluing the many the fox must have harmed?
But you know – you know that even this can be forgiven, she reminded herself.
She still didn’t know what to say, though. She felt powerless and scared and ashamed of her fear. Terrible as the account was, she almost dreaded its end, because then she would have to find words, a voice. Even as she listened, the questions had begun to echo in the back of her mind: How…? What will I say? I don’t have words. I don’t know her. I don’t know any of these experiences. How can I offer anything in a way that will help? Why am I here when I have… nothing?