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A truck driver made it a habit to run over lawyers with his truck when he saw them. One day he was driving down the road and there was a priest broken down on the shoulder, so the driver gave him a lift. As he was going along he spotted a laywer and started to speed up when he remembered who his passenger was. At the last moment he swerves away, and slams on the breaks. He then turns to the priest.

"Oooh Father, I'm so so so sorry....."

The priest pats him on the shoulder.

"Don't worry my son...I got him with the door."


A Hindu man, a Jewish man, and a lawyer are driving down the road when their car breaks down. A nearby farmer agrees to let them spend the night, but the guest bed only has room for two, so one of them has to sleep in the barn. First the Hindu says he'll sleep in the barn. The lawyer and the Jewish man are about to drift off when the door bursts open and in comes the Hindu.

"There's a cow in the barn, I can't sleep there!" So the Jewish man agrees to sleep in the barn. They're almost settled in again when the door bursts open and in comes the Jewish man.

"There's a pig in there! I can't sleep with a pig in the barn!" So the lawyer gets up and says he'll sleep in the barn. The Hindu man and the Jewish man take the bed and get settled in.

Less than a minute later, the door bursts open and in comes the cow and the pig.

On the final day of hearings in the Svenson murder case, the defense had managed to convince the jury that, despite all evidence to the contrary (including a signed confession), Ingmar Svenson was clinically incapable of having murdered her husband.

Previously it had been assumed that no one had witnessed the crime, or Mrs. Svenson's purported invalidity, on the night it occurred. Supposedly she had a bad back that caused her great pain due to a poorly-constructed mattress at home, which often led her to spend nights at the houses of friends or even at local hotels. But she couldn't prove she had left the house on the night in question.

At the last moment, the defense produced a written statement made by the Svenson's maid, an immigrant from Southern Europe named Maria Gutierrez. Though written in her native tongue, defense attorney Ronald Barker translated it directly, saying that Maria had personally dropped Mrs. Svenson off at a friend's house that evening.

This meant that both the friend and Maria needed to be subpeonaed for further questioning. Mr. Barker declared that the jail's substandard mattresses were inflaming his client's condition, and on his own recognizance he was awarded temporary custody until deliberations resumed in the morning.

The next day, it was discovered that both Mr. Barker and Mrs. Svenson had slipped across the border into Canada. Appearances indicated a personal affair directly involving the lawyer in the murder of Mr. Svenson. When the maid's written account was examined by a police translator, it turned out that she had in fact been told to take the day off by Mrs. Svenson herself. Barker had deliberately mistranslated the document in order to buy time for the escape.

Just another case of the subversion of American law...

...just because no one inspects the Spanish deposition.

Calbeck wrote:...just because no one inspects the Spanish deposition.

Calbeck? Would you step over here for a minute please? I have something for you.

* taps hand with rubber hose *

*steps between Narnian and Calbeck with his arms crossed, one eyebrow raised at Narnian* What's the beef here?

Calbeck wrote:Of course, now that the director has brought in the legal arm, Nip's first move should be to get his own lawyer before saying anything else.

My first choice in this situation would be Pa Todd. Remember how well he handled Charlie at the stuntman's school?

Mike Fang wrote:*steps between Narnian and Calbeck with his arms crossed, one eyebrow raised at Narnian* What's the beef here?

No no, Mike, he's quite justified in this case.

*prepares for a proper whuppin'*

labrusca wrote:

Calbeck wrote:Of course, now that the director has brought in the legal arm, Nip's first move should be to get his own lawyer before saying anything else.

My first choice in this situation would be Pa Todd. Remember how well he handled Charlie at the stuntman's school?

Oo, that's right, I'd forgotten...

Calbeck wrote:

Mike Fang wrote:*steps between Narnian and Calbeck with his arms crossed, one eyebrow raised at Narnian* What's the beef here?

No no, Mike, he's quite justified in this case.

*prepares for a proper whuppin'*

Why, 'cause you told the truth? If the courts had bothered to verify the deposition, they would've caught the lawyer lying. And if this is about race, you didn't say anything discriminatory either.

Calbeck wrote:...just because no one inspects the Spanish deposition.

[jarring chord]
[bursts in]

"NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH DEPOSITION!!!!!"

Narnian wrote:

Eh? What's that mean?

* sings *

Don't you wish that it would just go awaaaaay?

But the deposition really is here to staaaay!






It's a pun!

SPANISH DEPOSITION

SPANISH INQUISITION

you know, earth humor

ark ark ark !

Mike Fang wrote:Eh? What's that mean?

Sorry, Mike, but you've been had: it's an old Monty Python joke. There's an infamous skit about the Spanish Inquisition, where the running punchline is "NO-body expects the Spanish Inquisition!". Usually followed by a ridiculous rant and attempt to look menacing conducted by three British comedians dressed as Inquisition-era Spanish Cardinals.

I made the entire thing up, engineered to allow me to finish up at the end with a rotten pun based on the ancient punchline. If you're not a Python fan, you really couldn't be expected to get the joke, and I'm sorry you got caught in the crossfire there.

Hmmmmmm.....you were thinking Monty Python, TBolt and I are thinking Mel Brooks!

I also know about the running gag in MP, but for some reason, the first thing I thought of was the floor show in History of the World Pt 1....and the 2 "Jews" chained to the wall had me in pain I was laughing so hard.


#1
I was sitting in the temple I was minding my own business,
I was listening to a lovely Hebrew Mass.
When these papus persons plunge in, and they throw me in a dungeon
and shoved a red-hot poker up my ass!

Was that considerate? Was that polite?
And not a tube of "Preparation H" in sight!

#2
I'm sittin' flickin' chickens an' I lookin' thru da pickin's
when theses goys come in bustin' down my valls.
I didn't even know dem but dey grab me by the scrotum
an' dey played a game of ping-pong mit my balls.

Oy the agony, Ooo da shame,
Dey make my privates public for a game?

With the accents and delivery from these two, I was in pain, couldn't see clearly and was in serious jepordy of soiling both myself and the theatre seat.

I hadn't laughed that hard in a movie since the talking moose head in "Murder by Death."

S'aaruuk

Oh, I see. Actually I am a Monty Python fan and I have seen the sketch. But I didn't make the connection because given our legal system's penchant for idiocy and corruption, it sounded very likely.

And actually what I was having difficulty understanding what the graphic Narnian put up. Was he calling me clueless?

Sharuuk: Heheheh, love that movie.

"Who spoke?"

" I spoke."

"Aaaah, voice come from cow on wall!"

"MOOSE! MOOSE you IMBECILE!"

-

"What do you make of eet?"

"...is confusing."

" 'IT', 'IT' is confusing, say your goddam PRONOUNS!" [/b]

Sharuuk wrote:Aaannnnd I guess that "Willard S. Weasle, Atty at Law".....S. for "Shyster"...would be appropos.

S'aaruuk

Naw, go for the classics, Willard Dewey, of Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe.

Mike Fang wrote:Oh, I see. Actually I am a Monty Python fan and I have seen the sketch. But I didn't make the connection because given our legal system's penchant for idiocy and corruption, it sounded very likely.

And actually what I was having difficulty understanding what the graphic Narnian put up. Was he calling me clueless?

Sharuuk: Heheheh, love that movie.

"Who spoke?"

" I spoke."

"Aaaah, voice come from cow on wall!"

"MOOSE! MOOSE you IMBECILE!"

-

"What do you make of eet?"

"...is confusing."

" 'IT', 'IT' is confusing, say your goddam PRONOUNS!"

*gasping for breath at the memory* THAT'S the scene......that's where I lost it completely.

With the moose head swinging back and forth to the delivery of that last line, I was nearly in convulsions.

Mike Fang wrote:And actually what I was having difficulty understanding what the graphic Narnian put up. Was he calling me clueless?

Well, it did appear to be the case for this pun. But now that you have the book you are no longer!

Uh huh...so, missing one joke because it sounds so plausible due to the corrupt nature of our judicial system makes me an idiot?

*narrows eyes at Narnian and gives a derrisive snort*

now now children play nice