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"I've got legs!"

"There's no water in hell."

((OOG: I'm back! Didya miss me? Did you even notice I was gone?<P>Thought not. <IMG SRC="http://www.keenspace.com/forums/wink.gif"> ))<P>IG: May the bird of paradise fly up your arse.<P>~Monty Python website.

"I'd rather think of myself as a Christmas ornament."

I tried to wrestle my demons once... but they used too many illegal holds.

"I'd rather be licking snails off a dead man's toes."

"Mmm. Coleslaw."

"I'm trying to decide whether to respond to you or run you over with a cement truck."

"Is it gonna be like learning Math? I don't like Math."

And as you cross the circle line, the ice-wall creaks behind --- you're a rabbit on the run. And the silver splinters fly in the corner of your eye --- shining in the setting sun. Well, do you ever get the feeling that the story's too damn real and in the present tense? Or that everybody's on the st...

McDonnell Douglas WARRANTY REGISTRATION CARD<P>This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas Website by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of course, does not have a sense of humor and made the web department take it down immediately. For once, the '...

Books rejected by Dr. Suess publishers:<P>1. One Bitch, Two Bitch, Dead Bitch, You Bitch 2. Herbert the Pervert Likes Sherbert 3. Fox In Detox 4. Who Shat in the Hat? 5. Horton Hires a Ho 6. The Flesh-Eating Lorax 7. How the Grinch Stole Columbus Day 8. Your Colon Can Moo - Can You? 9. Zippy the Rab...

"You have already been abducted by aliens. They took you to their homeworld, got you to star in their action movies and then made you a spokesperson for pesticides. Once your appeal wore off, they erased your memory and shipped you back to Earth."

"They stole me lucky charms!"
"You had lucky charms?"
"Naw."
"Then how did they take them?"
"Well... they've always been stealing them, so I could never have them."
"*pause* But wouldn't you have had to have them in the first place?"
"No, not nessicarily."
"...."

"Could you draw a flowchart?"

"We should all just break our legs in protest."
-Jeff K.

"Mr. Squiggly-thing-on-the-back-of-your-head. You know, that doesn't have quite the ring to it that Mr. Diamond-on-the-back-of-your-head does."
-Me to Rob N.